Blah, Blah, Blah
by Kavbj
Summary: LaviYuu Drabbles. Warnings: Language. "Die, die," he mouthed feverishly against the warm skin beneath his lips. "Please, I just want to die… let me die…"
1. Blah, Blah, Blah by Kesha

**Inspired by Blah Blah Blah by Kesha.... good song... seriously, go listen.**

**Could be more :)**

* * *

Kanda peered up through his bangs at the redhead, seriously contemplating how he should kill the idiot rabbit. He could make it quick and clean, or make it a little more amusing on his part and drag it out… either way he'd make it as painful as possible, and it was going to happen soon if the fucking idiot didn't just shut the fuck up and stop talking that _blah, blah, blah_.

He was digging through his pockets for a spare hair band because the idiot rabbit had pulled the original out and freaking snapped it – yes, the idiot rabbit was a bastard – and so now his hair was swishing against his waist and he really did need to cut it because now more and more people were questioning his gender. He was male, fucking male, got it?

Get it? Got it? Good. Wasn't that from some fucking movie Lavi had gone on and on about years ago. It'd reminded Kanda quite a bit of Lavi, Master of fucking Disguises. Turning away from the still _blah, blah, blah_ing rabbit, Kanda tried not to be so proud of himself for remembering the name of the movie and _yes _pride was a sin and _no _he did not give a fuck!

"Yu~" Lavi whined pitifully, seeing the beautiful, and yes, goddamn beautiful he was, Japanese teen walking away, still searching for a hair band. Lavi refused the urge to smirk. He'd also managed to steal Yu's spare hair band earlier… he so preferred it when the inky locks were falling free… or clingy to Yu's sweaty, oh so fucking tempting body.

Wow he was picking up on so much language thanks to dear Kanda… it was as if he was another country all on its own, with its own unique language. It'd taken Lavi a hell of a lot longer to learn to speak Kanda than it had Japanese – which he'd done in hoping to impress the beautiful, and yes, he was still that goddamn beautiful back then, Japanese teen.

It took Kanda more effort than he thought it would have to _not_ punch that _blah, blah, blah_ing idiot rabbit. Again, more self-pride… seriously, Lavi thought he had no self-restraint? Che, fucking idiot. Pfffft as Lavi would _blah, blah, blah._

Suddenly Kanda was whirling around, some weird form of panic bubbling in his chest as he realised there was no _blah, blah, blah _and really it was so very sudden and not fucking right. Things needed to play out smoothly for Kanda to follow them easily. But the fucking rabbit was smiling, glad to have caught Yu's attention once more and oh so goddamn fucking glad that Yu had been worried about his favourite redhead.

Kanda sighed as the rabbit's smile grew into that shit-eating, cheek-splitting, thousand-watt grin of his and the _blah, blah, blah_ing resumed. When would Lavi realise that with Kanda, actions spoke louder than words, and all this _blah, blah, blah_ was going to get him goddamn fucking nowhere?

_Stop talk, talk, talking that blah, blah, blah_

_Think you'll be getting this? Nah, nah, nah_

_Not in the back of my car, ah, ah_

_If you keep talking that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah_


	2. Crash & Burn by Savage Garden

_**Crash & Burn**_

Blood and dust flew into the air, staining porcelain skin, dirtying jet black locks. Mugen moved swiftly and rhythmically, each individual step perfect and precise and just like Kanda had practiced time and time again.

Finally the last akuma fell, and _pain_ flared through Kanda's body as he finally allowed himself to relax. It rattled him from the inside out and he dropped to the ground, on his knees, Mugen painted with blood, and he gasped for air. He finally felt as though he could _breathe again_.

Nine days. He'd been out here for nine bloody days, with little rest. The town was dead, the buildings in ruins, the people no more. Gone was the last soul with that last akuma and as antisocial as Kanda was, he craved human contact more that anything he ever had before.

The finder who had accompanied him hadn't even made it to the godforsaken town, for he was killed when they were attacked in the forest the first night away from the Order. Red burned itself onto the back of Kanda's eyelids. Red blood, red fire, red hair… and again he gulped in oxygen greedily; face turned heavenwards, eyes closed against the silent battlefield before him.

Shakily, Kanda pushed himself to his feet, using Mugen as a crutch. He was too tired to care for such disrespect towards his own weapon. He was lucky to be awake and each tiny movement of whatever tiny muscles lay beneath his skin took way more energy than it should.

But Lavi was waiting, and Lavi was human contact and a relief from _heartache and pain_, so to Lavi he would go.

-

Yuu's home soon, I hope, mused Lavi as he walked through the halls of the Black Order. You've been gone so long, my beautiful darlin', he thought, lips curling into a smile as he pictured Kanda's blush had he known what Lavi was thinking.

He almost walked right past his room, so deep was he in his thoughts, and with a sharp, surprised jerk of his head, he snapped to reality. The sight that greeted him when he opened his door filled him with mixed feelings and he stood there in the doorway, mouth agape, for at least a minute before he managed to get a word out.

"Y-Yuu."

Tired, tired eyes, oh so very tired, glanced up at him. Yuu was laying on the cold floor of Lavi's floor, dried blood coating patches of his beautiful ivory skin. Lavi slammed his door shut, shielding Kanda when he was at his potentially weakest, then moved forward on shaky legs to gather up the broken Japanese boy and cradle him close.

"You're home, home, home, home," he whispered, rocking Yuu back and forth. He felt Yuu _breathe_ deeply, releasing it in an exhausted sigh. He didn't want to think about what Yuu'd been through, when he'd last slept or ate – not yet anyway.

Lifting him gently, ignoring the _heartache_ when Yuu whimpered and keened loudly, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was injuredand in _pain_, Lavi placed him on his bed and began to remove the other teen's Exorcist jacket. Next came the white – now stained red – button down that Yuu always wore and as inch after inch of creamy skin was revealed to him, Lavi laid butterfly kiss after butterfly kiss. Kissing his way up Yuu's chest, up his throat, along his jaw to end at the corner of his lips, he waited, perfectly still.

Kanda felt each kiss tenderly brushing against his skin but he was so tired, all he could do was try keep his eyes open – and he was damn near failing – as he lay there on his back, hair unbound, arms limp by his sides. He was too helpless to react to the delicious skin on skin contact and he groaned somewhat irritably when Lavi tried to coax him into manoeuvring his arms out of his sleeves.

Shaking his head and smiling softly, Lavi sat up and figured that Yuu would probably sleep better in the infirmary where they could drug the boy up and make sure he slept for at least 12 hours. Lavi knew that Yuu would protest but then thought better and realised the boy didn't have the energy.

He made it half way there, Yuu in his arms, bridal style (and yes he was thankful for the fact that Yuu was too tired to try gut him for carrying the Japanese boy like a girl) before Yuu pulled at his shirt, clenching his fists, keening desperately. Lowering his head, Lavi pressed his lips to Yuu's, ignoring any and all looks, eyes widening when Yuu sobbed into the kiss.

Kanda's eyes were definitely open now as he felt himself sob uncontrollably. "What's happening to me?" he managed to gasp out, curling into Lavi the best he could. Kanda fell deathly silent, but Lavi was sure that he was screaming, scared, confused. Yuu didn't cry.

"You're exhausted, hon," he whispered soothingly and decided then and there that he probably should have just stayed in his room with Kanda and that they were never going to make it to the infirmary.

Instead, he walked to the wall, slid down it and pulled Yuu onto his lap. Yuu fell asleep almost instantly and for the first two hours, he was plagued by nightmares and he _screamed_, finally fucking _screamed_, and sobbed and called for Lavi repetitively. But all Lavi could do, as they attracted worried attention, fearful attention – was there an attack? What the hell was happening? _Kanda?!_ – was coo to him and tell him to just breathe again, that he wasn't alone, that everyone deserved to fall apart at some time.

And before long he too fell asleep.

_-_

_Because there has always been heartache and pain_

_And when it's all over you'll breathe again,_

_You'll breathe again._

_-_

_If you need to fall apart,_

_I can mend a broken heart._

_If you need to crash then crash and burn,_

_You're not alone._


	3. She's A Genius by Jet

_**She's A Genius**_

Lavi was glad that Yuu's Exorcist coat was wet and hanging off the balcony back at the inn because that meant he was clearly able to observe the rolling muscles under the skin, the slight sway to his hips and the way he rolled his shoulders forward and slipped his hands into the pockets of his black slacks.

Yuu had always been beautiful and captivating – mysterious and short tempered as well, of course, but that sort of came with the package. Lavi made sure to keep himself a few feet behind Yuu so that he could watch him properly. The Japanese teen had never been to this part of India before and he was clearly amazed and awed by the culture and markets, though he tried to hide it. Yeah, that's right, Lavi see's all.

Lips curling up in amusement, Lavi began to take note of the number of appreciative stares Yuu was receiving – from both women and men alike. Some of the women may have been homosexual, and some of the men straight, but with the fine features and long hair, Yuu's gender was pretty fucking complicated to work out. Of course, Lavi valued his life and made sure to keep that part out of his daily taunting sessions.

Some were brave enough to approach, but Yuu stared them down, mouth spitting out sharp, cutting insults and replies to ridiculous proposals, and Lavi had to admit, that his lover really was a _genius_, in his own delightful little way.

Speeding up, Lavi caught up to Yuu and wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing him behind his ear and causing Yuu to growl and try cover up his blush. There was an elbow connecting with his stomach, and a fist to his groin, and Lavi was left behind once more, groaning in pain. Managing to smirk, he could only once again think that Kanda Yuu was a _genius_.

_-_

_They said, 'Hey there girl, tell me what do you do?'_

_She said, 'Nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you.'_

_-_

_That girl's a genius_

_Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_I think she's serious_

_Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_


	4. Starstrukk by 3OH 3 ft Katy Perry

_**Starstrukk**_

Kanda stared at the drink held between his hands, the music pounding throughout the club not loud enough to block out his thoughts. He was over this, totally and completely over this. Lavi had pushed him too far and... If the relationship meant nothing to the baka usagi, then it would mean nothing to him.

Raising his head, he brushed his bangs from his eyes and glanced around the club. There was that same man again, eyeing him up. He was handsome enough, with a devilish smirk, gentlemen-like manners and thick curly brown hair. He was a regular, from what the bartender had told him. His name was Tyki.

It wouldn't be _L.O.V.E_, that's not what it would be. Just shameless sex, really, and sweet revenge and a way to get past the heartache.

-

It didn't take long, and soon Tyki was pushing him towards the back rooms, mouth kissing down Kanda's bare shoulder and Kanda groaned, arching his back and pushing his hips against the Portuguese man's. This meant nothing, would never mean anything, but he hoped it hurt Lavi so fucking bad. He smirked, distracted by his thoughts for a second, thinking of what he would say to the redhead when he found out. _Don't take it personally. We were never in love_. But Tyki quickly pulled him out of his thoughts as he was stripped of his shirt.

-

Lavi stared across as the Japanese man in front of him, ignoring the fact that they were blocking the pathway. Yuu was staring down at the sidewalk, a small smile curling his lips upwards. Lavi couldn't believe what he was hearing. Yuu had done _what now?!_

"Please tell me you're joking," he begged, taking a step forward.

Yuu shook his head and tilted his head back and to the side. "Mmmm, no darlin'," he said mockingly, already beginning to walk away. "You pushed it too far."

Lavi's head was spinning. He'd been warned countless times by Allen and Lenalee and so many others that he should stop flirting so shamelessly now that he was with Kanda, but he'd figured Yuu wouldn't mind, that he'd understand that that was just how Lavi was. But he was wrong, and he _had_ pushed it too far, and now he was losing the most important thing to him.

"_L.O.V.E _isn't what this is, what it ever was, what it will ever be," said Yuu, looking at Lavi over his shoulder. He smirked, buried his hands in his pockets, lowered his head, and walked off. "Good bye, my friend."

That hit hard as Lavi caught the meaning of the word. Friends with benefits... he'd convinced Yuu that that was all they were... that they _were never in love_.

_Don't take it personally 'cause we were never in love,  
It doesn't really matter who you say you are,  
Sing it out the window of your car.  
Find another girl across the bar 'cause L.O.V.E's not what this was._

_-_

_How, do I say I'm sorry cause the word is never gonna come out,  
Now, L.O.V.E's just another word I never learned to pronounce._


	5. In My Head by Jason Derulo

_**In My Head**_

Lavi stared out of the window, looking down over the small town as the sun set over the distant mountains. _In my head_, that's where you always are, can't get you out... don't want to let you go.

Lowering his gaze, he stared at his hands, spreading out his fingers, and smiled sadly. He missed Yuu something terribly but Bookman's words still ran circles in his head. 'You need to work on separating yourself from that boy, or there will be trouble for the both of you.' Lavi cared too much for Kanda – God knew he hated calling the boy that – to let any harm come to him, so he accepted every mission, asking for as many as possible, doing what he could to avoid the older teen.

If Kanda was away on a mission, then that was Lavi's chance to relax. If it so happened that they were both home at once, Lavi used the excuse of work to keep himself away from his lover. And it was killing him.

He wanted to take Yuu with him, away from this war, around the world. Show him everything, show him the ropes. Kanda wasn't very good with love – it confused the poor boy greatly. He'd been promised so many things, had people claim to love him far too many times, only to be let down. Lavi was well aware of the fact that Kanda had been waiting for it all to fall down around him, and Lavi was only helping it happen.

But he had to, though he didn't want to... and Kanda was in his head. You're _in my head_, always, always, always _in my head_ and in my heart.

-

Kanda was confused to say the least. Lavi was finally back... well he'd been at the Black Order for the past week, but Kanda himself had only just gotten home and though he was hungry and desperate for a good night's sleep, he wanted to actually manage to have a conversation with the rabbit.

Finally, he caught sight of him and his breath left him in a sigh of relief. "Oi! Lavi!" he called, well aware of the people watching. Moyashi was leaving the cafeteria just now, and his face suddenly took on a foreboding expression. Kanda brushed it off.

"Oh, Yuu!" replied Lavi, smiling strangely at Kanda. "Sorry, wish I could talk, but I got to leave for a mission," he said quickly, brushing past Kanda.

Whirling around, Kanda called out to him, asking him to explain what was going on, but Lavi had already disappeared around the corner. He stared after him, well aware of the pitiful stares, and he spun slowly, a full circle, coming back to staring after Lavi but he struggled to mask the hurt.

He walked away, still hurt and confused, ignoring Lenalee and the Moyashi who were calling after him to wait. Why the hell was Lavi avoiding him? Had he done something wrong, upset the other teen maybe? It'd been months since they'd slept together, both sexually and in more innocent terms. They'd barely talked, barely seen each other, and always just missed the other. And whenever they may get a mission together, Lavi turned it down, only to request a solo mission the next day.

Smiling bitterly, Kanda allowed himself to hide his eyes behind his bangs as he felt them grow moist. Why did this hurt so much?

-

He couldn't do this anymore, he had to see Kanda. Three months, babe, three fucking months since we've actually _seen_ each other, and you're stuck _in my head_ – fantasies, nightmares, memories... I give up, I can't do this.

"Yuu!" Kanda ignored him and chose to keep walking, and Lavi grit his teeth. "Yuu for god's sake, wait up, please!" He snatched up the other boy's wrist and dragged him to him, pressing his lips against the Japanese boy's.

"I can't do this," he whispered, pressing his forehead to Yuu's after he pulled away. "You're _in my head_ every minute of every day. Screw Bookman, screw whatever may come. I don't just want you _in my head_; I want you by my side."

Though the words held little meaning to Kanda who had next to no idea of what was really going on, and because yes, he would always forgive the redhead that easily, trusted him that much, loved him too much, he allowed himself a small smile. "Yeah, well how the fuck does 'in your _bed_' fucking sound, baka usagi?"

_In my head, I see you all over me.  
In my head, you fulfil my fantasy.  
In my head, you'll be screaming no.  
In my head, it's going down.  
In my head, it's going down.  
In my head._


	6. Hard by Rihanna

_**Hard**_

"Yuu?" called Lavi, swinging his hammer over his shoulder and looking for the Japanese boy. "Oh my God! Yuu!"

Thirteen year old Kanda Yuu lay injured on the other side of the battlefield, blood pooling around him. He groaned as Lavi came over to him, calling him incessantly by his first name. "Shut the fuck up, rabbit. Don't call me by my first name."

Lavi knelt beside him, checking the injury. A choked sob caught in his throat and his eyes flew to Yuu's expectant face. The injury was fatal... Lavi wouldn't be able to get them to a doctor in time and if he aggravated the injury, it'd only make it worse. Yuu was going to bleed out and slip away right in front of him.

"Y-Yuu... there's something I have to tell you," he said quietly, and Kanda, panting painfully for air, resisting the urge to scream, had to strain his ears to hear. "I love you," and Kanda didn't even get time to figure out whether that was supposed to be some stupid fucking pun of his first name because warm, slightly chapped, salty from tears, lips pressed against his own.

Using way too much effort because he was feeling that weak and the loss of blood was tiring him out, Kanda pushed the idiot away. "Ugh, what the hell, baka?" His tone softened and he grasped Lavi's hand gently. "Watch, stupid motherfucker."

Ignoring Yuu's, as always, beautiful language, Lavi stared at the wound, eyes widening as it closed up right in front of him, not even scarring. "B-but, how? I mean... come again?" Then his previous actions hit him and he blushed as red as his hair. He had a feeling he'd never live that confession down... why hadn't Yuu just died like normal people usually did?

Lavi grinned and brushed his hand through Yuu's hair, much to the other's irritation. Yuu was anything but normal... no, at times he was just too fucking _hard_.

-

"Lavi! Goddamn you, don't you dare fucking die on me!" snapped Yuu, now 18 years old. Lavi was bleeding out, would slip away right in front of him... possibly... Yuu didn't know that much about injuries, never having given his the time of day (who gave injuries the time of day? What panic did to one's mind...) so he didn't really recognise fatal injuries that well at times... Lavi's could be fatal... if he didn't get help... but Lavi was _hard_ right, wouldn't give up without a fight? That sort of shit, right?

"No, wait, Yuu," moaned Lavi, as Yuu prepared to carefully pick up the idiot rabbit. "Remember... what, five years ago? Six? Remember what I said to you?"

Yuu froze and looked at Lavi weirdly... of all times to bring that up. "Yes..." he said cautiously, wondering where this was going.

"Don't you think you should tell a dying man your true feelings for him?"

"Holy fuck Yuu! That hurt!"

Kanda grunted. Injured or not, stupid rabbit deserved the punch to the shoulder. Saying stupid things like that, che. "I'm pretty sure it's already fucking obvious," he muttered, somewhat shy.

"Really? Do show?"

Warm lips, smooth and sweet tasting, pressed against his own and Lavi grinned, painfully moving an arm to bring Yuu closer, tangling his fingers in that beautiful hair. He knew the injury wasn't fatal, just hurt like a bitch, and he was _hard_, he'd get through it. But it was still nice every once in a while to know that Yuu truly loved him.

_That I, I, I, I'm so hard,_

_Ah yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so hard._

_So hard, so hard, so hard, so hard._


	7. Do You Remember? by Jay Sean

_**Do You Remember?**_

"Yuu-chan?"

Kanda Yuu turned slowly, face blank and disinterested as he turned to face the person he had not seen since the war ended. Lavi's face was questioning but it immediately lit up upon seeing that it was, in fact, Yuu-chan.

There was incessant babble which Kanda payed little attention to. His expression didn't change, he simply listened. There were a lot of _do you remember_s and finally Lavi got around to _how you doing_ and _it's good to see you again_.

Lavi was both surprised and not surprised to see Kanda here in Japan. The boy had rarely shown urges to return to his home country, but every now and then, there'd been a wistful look. The expression on Kanda's face when they'd all been fighting in Edo that time, and it'd been destroyed... Lavi's heart had fluttered madly, wanting to remove the sad expression on that beautiful face.

But right there and then, in that busy street, there was no reaction from Yuu as Lavi jumped from one subject to another. He brought up Lenalee and Moyashi a couple of times, and Bookman. Bookman was now dead, and Lavi was in charge. He'd stuck with the name Lavi and had already changed a lot of the original rules. When there was still no reaction, not even to his questions, Lavi began to think maybe Yuu had forgotten the English language. He'd never really had a full grasp on it, and it was probably too easy for Yuu to slip right back into Japanese.

Lavi himself tried speaking in Japanese then, when that thought came to him, but it was poor as he hadn't spoken it in years. Kanda sighed, and closed his eyes – finally, thought Lavi, a reaction – and quietly said, in English, "hush, you stupid rabbit, you are making a fool of yourself. I have been well and I do not yet know whether or not it is good to see you again. I shall have to wait to see."

Lavi was taken aback by the formality. Yuu had never been that good at English, either. Maybe he'd travelled back to England or something a couple of times. They continued talking, well, Lavi did, but they never came even close to the subject of what they once were – lovers, best friends... closer than anything. They'd broke it off when they went their separate ways at the end of the war.

"Look," Lavi finally said. "Moyashi and Lenalee are here as well, and we've all been hoping we might see you here. We've been looking for you for three years, Kanda. Come to this address tonight, alright? It'll be good to have the gang together." After handing the Japanese man the address, Lavi bid him good bye and went off on his way.

-

Kanda sighed and looked back down at the piece of paper in his hand. Looking back to the front door of the small house, he sighed again. Why had he come here? He couldn't believe he had. He'd purposefully made himself disappear so as to keep away any memories of the Black Order and such. He'd agreed to break it off with Lavi, but his heart had been against the idea. Seeing Lavi now, it brought up more painful memories and his heart began to ache.

But Lenalee would be disappointed if he failed to show, and he'd always hated disappointing her. That, and he wanted to see if the Moyashi had actually fucking grown yet.

He hadn't... well he hadn't caught up to Kanda yet, and that was the first thing Kanda pointed out when Allen opened the door.

Lenalee ushered him inside, speaking so fast he struggled to catch what she was saying. They were renting the house for a couple of months apparently, had been travelling with Lavi, her and Allen were engaged, he should come to the wedding... they'd stayed here two months longer than planned to just try find him.

As Lenalee and Allen disappeared into the kitchen, Lavi came and sat beside him. "We shouldn't _let this happen again_," he whispered in Kanda's ear, and Kanda fought down a moan and a shiver. Gods, how he'd missed the slightly younger man.

Lavi grabbed Kanda's hair, still so long, painfully and pulled his face around to look him directly in the eye. Kanda hissed, breathing hard, head pulled back to reveal his pale throat. Lavi stared at the creature before him... _so long since you've been missing_.

"_Do you remember_, any of this?" breathed Lavi, before kissing Yuu passionately.

Kanda's eyes rolled back into his head and his muscles went slack as he moaned deliciously. Lavi caught him as he slumped against him, refusing to pull back from the kiss. Eventually, Yuu kissed back and soon they were interrupted by a polite clearing of the throat.

Kanda was panting and he stood on shaky legs, stumbling from the room. He was going to be sick. Memories were burning the back of his eyes, giving him a pounding headache. He crashed into a stand or something, and some sort of delicate object smashed to the ground.

"Yuu? Fuck, Yuu, you right?" asked Lavi, steadying the older man. He was roughly shoved away and Yuu fell back with the amount of strength he put into it. "Shh, stay still. What's wrong? Have you been ill? Are you injured?"

And Kanda began to laugh. He laughed so hard that he began to cry and he heard Allen quietly tell Lenalee that maybe they should call a doctor. _Bring it back_, why don't you, he thought, looking at Lavi. All the memories I've destroyed, you've brought them all right back.

"Yes," he finally managed to get out, and Lavi's head jerked up from where he'd been gathering the broken pieces of pottery. "I fucking remember, and _damn_, it's oh so _good to see you again_."

_Do you remember, do you remember, do you remember  
All of the times we had?  
Let's bring it back, bring it back!_

_-_

_So long since you've been missing,  
It's good to see you again,  
How you, how you doing?  
And how about we don't let this happen again?_


	8. It's What's Inside That Counts

_**It's What's Inside That Counts **(__By Brooke Allison)_

How they ended up at some dog wash parlour or whatever it was, was completely beyond Kanda's range of understanding... however, his range of cuss words made up for this as he spat them out one by one as Lenalee secured the apron thingy on his waist.

"All right," she declared, clapping her hands together. Her eyes ran over Kanda, Allen and Lavi and she smiled. "Let's get started."

Their first – "poor unsuspecting victim." "Shut the fuck up, rabbit." – customer was a Cocker Spaniel called – "I now deem you, Usagi!" "Last time I checked, this goddamn animal was a freaking _inu_." "You underestimate me so, Yuu." – Maxie – "How horribly original, you poor, poor thing. Usagi sounds much better." "Oi! Baka! Just start rinsing the damn creature down!" – at the tender age of two years old.

"Right, we need to shampoo, condition, throw a rinse in there somewhere, prune, groom, trim and then – holy hell check out the size of the balls on this fella!" exclaimed Lavi, grabbing the poor creature by its hind legs and lifting them so as to get a better view. "Holy mother of hell! You lucky bastard... yep, you are definitely an Usagi."

"_Lavi!_" cried Allen, appalled as Lenalee broke down into a set of uncontrollable giggles and Kanda face-palmed. "Not in the presence of a _lady_," he ground out through clenched teeth, throwing a meaningful look at Lenalee.

"Right, sorry Moyashi – ever the gentleman – but seriously, this dude lives up to both his names. _Cock_er Spaniel and Usagi."

"Really, Lavi darling," said Lenalee as she slowly came down from her high.

Kanda finished it off for her. "None of us really want to hear how damn big you think your balls are."

"Well, Yuu already knows how big..."

Kanda blushed to his roots and swore heavily under his breath. "Fuck you."

"Yes please!"

They were nearly done... nearly, nearly done. Kanda felt his eyebrow twitch, as well as the corner of his mouth. This was driving him so far up the wall, he was about to discover if this _God _fellow really existed.

"We should so braid his fur... and put bows on his ears!" declared Lavi, searching noisily through drawers and cupboards for said items.

"What the hell you idiot? The thing is male!"

"Well I've always wanted to braid your hair, Yuu, but Yuu won't let me. And so what if he's male? The fact he's a _Cock_er Spaniel pretty much screams that he's gay, so he won't mind."

"You fucktard, we're gay."

"See? No problems whatsoever. Yuu, darling, are obviously gay with the long hair and slightly womanish hips happening, but I'm like one of those chocolates where you _expect_ just plain milk chocolate, but get something completely different on the inside! Amazing, ne?"

"If you have such a problem with my hair and hips, go find some whorish girl to shag!" Kanda yelled, obviously insulted and though he wouldn't admit it, somewhat hurt as he took Lavi's words to heart. Was the redhead unhappy with the way he looked?

Lavi looked over at Yuu, shocked. "God no, darling. You're the only one for me, and you always will be the only one for me. Those girls can _wear make-up_ so thick they look like a clown from the local circus, all they want. _It's what's inside that counts_, and with you, my beautiful samurai, I seem to have gotten the best of both deals."

Where were Lenalee and Allen during all this? Sitting on the sidelines, heads turning left and right as though observing a tennis match.

Poor Maxie left that afternoon with bows and a tag attached to his collar saying 'I literally live up to my name.'

_You can judge your books  
From how the cover looks,  
Wear make-up by the ounce.  
Oh, didn't they tell you?  
It's what's inside that counts._


	9. A Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope

_**A Drop In The Ocean**_

Allen watched silently from his position, leaning against the stone walls of the Black Order, as Kanda stood on the edge of the high cliff, looking down, ever so silent. Allen always wondered if Kanda was actually screaming and for some reason, no one could hear, but then that always filled him with such remorse because that meant no one noticed when the older boy was crying out.

He was dead though, Kanda, he was dead. He was breathing and walking and his heart pounding, yes, but he was dead. Was struggling for life when Lavi and Bookman left, died completely when the Noah got their hands on him. He went missing for three months and they followed clue after clue, every single lead, and eventually found Kanda soundly asleep on a bed in an inn. He was completely unharmed, physically – the Noah had allowed Kanda to heal before returning him, mocking the Order – but mentally, he was never the same.

"Yuu," Allen finally called out. The Japanese boy barely reacted to Kanda anymore, often flinched when it was called, so everyone had gotten used to calling Kanda by his first name. It was confusing for some, especially when wanting to say something like 'You are needed in Komui's office' because his name was one of those homophone thingies of the English word 'you'.

"Yuu," Allen called again, walking over to the teen. Finally, a reaction. "I've got to leave for my mission tomorrow." A slow nod. Allen sighed. "Stay safe, alright? Don't do anything stupid when I'm gone. Lenalee gets home tomorrow, and Marie will be back next week."

"And Lavi?"

Allen hesitated, wincing. "Yuu... you know very well that he's not coming back... stop fucking torturing yourself, BaKanda."

A smirk, the slightest hint that maybe there was a way to revive Kanda Yuu. Smiling, Allen left.

-

"Well, look who we have," mocked Allen, pinning Lavi against the wall with his innocence. No, this wasn't Lavi, this was... Adam or something like that. "Ever think about us, hmmm, Bookman Junior?"

'Adam' grinned nervously, whimpering, while on the inside, Lavi was both screaming with frustration at having been cornered in this situation, and rejoicing because he got to see one of his friends again.

-

Kanda spun in slow steady circles, Mugen held loosely in his hand, surveying the room. Invisible enemies danced in front of his eyes, ghostly figures, moving from one place to another without actually having to move.

He held Mugen in front of him, tightening his grip, and with a smirk, he dashed forward, taking them down one by one. This was one of the things he could still do right because he needn't think about it... it was instinct and routine and he'd practiced it so often he just let his subconscious take over.

Eventually, there was only one left and he froze, sword held to the person's throat. Lavi? The ghostly figure vanished and didn't reappear, and Kanda stood there, confused. He lowered his sword and caught his breath.

Leaving Mugen there in the training grounds, Kanda headed for the showers. He stood under the jets of water, eyes closed. _I was praying that you and me might end up together_, such a foolish thing to believe. You were a Bookman, and I was on bought time... there was no way it would work. I've even been fucking praying... I don't know to whom, but I have, just for you... Lord, kill me now.

Eyes shooting open, he left the shower running and stepped out, grabbing the sharpest thing he could find. He swiftly tied his hair into a clumsy ponytail, found where it sat to his shoulders, grabbed the razor he had found, and cut the rest of it off.

The wet strands fell to the ground and he smirked, looking at his own reflection. Taking out the hair tie, he let his hair fall to his shoulders. The ends were a bit ragged but he would fix that later. He'd tried using that shit shampoo and conditioner, because he knew Lavi liked the smell of it, so he'd sort of hoped it lure the redhead back.

Now, with his hair at the length it was, it'd be easier to probably wear it out than try getting it into a ponytail. He knew Lavi preferred his hair out, so maybe this would help bring him back. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his hand when wet strands got caught around his fingers, and stared back at his reflection, wondering if his eyes had always looked so dead, his smirks so... unamused.

Turning back to the shower, he ran his hand through his hair again. _I was praying_, but I think it's time I stopped that, because _you and me_ will never _end up together_.

-

Lavi was surprised to find himself on a train with Allen, heading back to the Order, heading back to Yuu. Allen had told him everything and he couldn't just leave Yuu anymore. It was killing the both of them, and he was scared for the older boy. Scared he'd do something reckless in a battle, scared the Noah would get him again. Yuu wasn't with it at all, it was only instinct that was driving him forward.

Allen was glaring at him, clearly not happy that Lavi had left Kanda in the state he was. He prayed the Japanese teen hadn't done something stupid, prayed he hadn't been assigned a mission because then dragging Lavi home would be a waste.

He could still see the expression on Kanda's face when Lavi told him that he and Bookman were leaving for good. There'd been nothing. They'd all been expecting maybe tears, confusion, anger, violence, a bitter smirk, even a small nod. But there'd been nothing. Kanda had simply stared, then turned on his heel and walked off to train.

Now... maybe there was a chance.

-

Kanda was getting stares from others, he was well aware of that, somewhere in the back of his mind, anyway. He hadn't cried since... he couldn't remember, just knew he'd promised himself to never shed another tear again. He'd decided that smirking had to go, but they slipped out every now and then. Everyone knew he smirked instead of smiling, but there was nothing to smile about nowadays, because Lavi was gone.

Stupid redhead. I can hear your voice calling my name. Was I really that desperate for _you and me to end up together_? Was I really that fucking foolish?

"Yuu!" shouted Lavi, running up to him. He wasn't really responding, which was strange, seeing as he hated being called Yuu, but then he remembered what Allen had told him. He couldn't believe that Yuu now hated Kanda because that's what Lavi had called him when he'd told him he was leaving.

The short hair was a shock, and he almost wanted to drop to the ground and wail childishly and dramatically like Lavi normally would.

Finally, Yuu turned around. If he was happy or even angry to see Lavi again, he didn't show it. Just stared at Lavi with dead eyes. Lavi shuddered and wrapped his arms around the boy, but there was no reaction. "Wake up, please," breathed Lavi. Kanda felt like ice – just how long had he been standing out here? He smelled of that conditioner he liked so much...

He pulled back, but those dead eyes were looking through him. He kissed him, desperately. He wanted Yuu back, wanted _Kanda_ back. Still, there was nothing. Yuu blinked once, twice and then on the third, something in him seemed to awaken.

"Lavi..." he murmured, and his eyelids fluttered madly and for a horrifying second, Lavi thought he was going to pass out.

"Yes, love, my love, my love, my love, I'm here," he rushed out, running his shaky hand down Yuu's face. "Wake up, please, wake up." _Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore_, _'cause you are my heaven, _my darling. It's been so painful being away from you but I'm here now, away from hell, but here, and no not in, but with _heaven_. Pulling him into a tight hug, Lavi screamed. "Wake up!"

"What the fuck, you idiot?!" snapped Kanda, pushing Lavi away from him, glaring. "What the hell do you think you're doing, yelling nonsense in my ear?"

Lavi stared, mouth gaping. Behind him, Allen, who'd been secretly watching, almost fell over with shock.

"Y-Yuu?"

"Stop fucking calling me that!"

Lavi held his hands up in a placating manner. "Whoa! Steady, don't kill me." Then, hesitatingly, "Aren't you angry with me?"

"Fuck yes; I don't think I can hear out of my left ear, you bastard."

"No, Yuu, hon, about... well you know."

"Mmmm, the Noah's are going to get it..."

And Lavi was really beginning to think Yuu didn't remember as the other bowed his head, thinking hard. But then his shoulders were shaking and Yuu dropped to the ground, screaming out in emotional agony, nails scraping at the dirt, tears falling. Lavi broke right there and then.

_A drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather,_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together._

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,_

_But I'm holding you closer than most, 'cause you are my heaven._

_-_

_Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore, no, no,_

_Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore._


	10. Strobe Light by Jason Derulo

**_Strobe Light_**

The hazy atmosphere and flashing lights made it difficult to see, but Lavi had perfect eyesight and was pretty damn sure he'd just seen one of the most beautiful chicks he'd ever laid his eyes on. Well, at least, he was pretty sure he'd seen someone. It could have been _a trick of the eye_, but come on; this is Lavi we're talking about.

He grinned slyly and absentmindedly called out to Lenalee and Allen that he'd be back – not that it would matter with the way they were grinding up against each other. Hey, it was Allen's birthday, and if Lenalee didn't give 'im something special tonight, then that would be a major injustice.

When Lavi finally managed to get his hands around the waist of the beautiful woman, he was surprised by both the flatness of her chest and the boniness of her hips and the challenge in her gaze. And it was almost like she was _smoke in _his _arms_ with how swiftly she – no, _he, _managed to _just disappear. _

* * *

Kanda slipped through the crowd in the way he'd been born to do so. This was too easy really. Who knew all the skills he'd picked up at The Order – an underground crime-_fighting _organisation – would come in handy at a club. But then, Komui wanted to a) find out who the hell was dating his sister and b) get Lavi, also known as Bookman Junior, on their side.

He narrowed his eyes slightly and smirked as the _strobe light_ flashed on and off repetitively. He felt the eyes of the Bookman Jnr. on him and he used the lights to his advantage as he began to dance again.

* * *

_The thrill of the chase_ was becoming overwhelming for Lavi and, unknown to him, Kanda as well. The fine features of the Japanese man disappeared from Lavi's view again and he cursed. He'd just have to corner him, that was all there was to it.

And it proved to be more difficult than Lavi had hoped, but eventually he had Kanda pressed up against a wall and his lips sealed with Lavi's own lips. Kanda's lashes fluttered teasingly against Lavi's cheeks and the redhead groaned. And that was a big mistake.

Because Kanda slipped from his arms and the _strobe light_ flickered _on and then off _again and even Lavi's eyesight couldn't cope with that and when he later realised he could no longer find the Asian beauty, he had to wonder, _is this a dream? _Seriously, _if I could get you for a second_...

_Like smoke in my arms  
You just disappear_

_Is this a dream?  
Are you really there?  
A trick of the eye,  
I, I, I saw you, I swear,_

_Is it love that you want?  
Or just the thrill of the chase?_

_If I could get you for a second,  
All the sexing we'd be gettin'_

_Like a strobe light, you're off then you're on_

* * *

**There should hopefully be more soon - so many ideas - but i've been computer-less for a while so... apologies... and i seem to have lost all writing talent at the moment, because i just can't seem to get the words to flow, hence the difficulty with the other ones i wanna upload =(**

**But oh wells, i shall perservere!... and that is spelt wrong...**

**Kavbj**


	11. Your Song by Kate Walsh

_**Your Song**_

Kanda opened his eyes slowly as the wind blew through the trees and played with the wisps of hair that were sitting over his face. The sun beat down through the leaves, creating dancing shadows along the ground and his pale skin. His hair was unbound and as a bigger gust of wind came through, the leaves rustled and danced erratically, and more strands of hair were dragged into the air.

Relaxed eyes slid over to the left to see Lavi leaning with his back against the sturdy trunk of the tree, reading a book that sat comfortably in his lap. The grass joined in on the dance and from faraway, all anyone would see was a lone tree on a grassy hill, and two teenage boys lazing in the beautiful spring day.

There would be no hints of the torment both of them were suffering from due to the war, and no one could tell they were exorcists as both had ditched the coats back at the inn. They returned home tomorrow but they were quite satisfied to relax on their free day.

Kanda found himself quite satisfied to just _watch him sparkle_, watch Lavi in this strange, calm, quiet setting. His tattoo had finally settled after having a fit last night, keeping both he and Lavi up most of the night. Kanda hadn't meant to disturb Lavi but when one throb had been so painful that he couldn't contain the scream, the redhead had stayed up the rest of the night with him, comforting him.

And Kanda swore those fingers of Lavi's could _make magic_, because the second they reached the top of this hill, Lavi had made him lay down and began to massage his tense shoulders. Next thing Kanda knew, he was waking up to the sun beating on his closed eyelids and Lavi sitting comfortably beside him.

Secretly, Kanda had never been so glad to be in Lavi's presence and he closed his eyes once more. He was grateful to the redhead, eternally so, because Lavi had reawakened something deep inside Kanda and the world hadn't been the same since. Now Kanda could dare to believe there was hope. '_And he doesn't know, just how far I would go,_' thought Kanda, looking at Lavi again. 'To keep him safe and get him through this war, as unchanged as possible.'

Lavi, having sensed Yuu watching him this whole time, and having been relatively aware of what the Japanese teen was most likely thinking, finally pulled his eye from the book in his lap to look at the beautiful boy before him. And he smiled at him softly, asking if he felt any better.

Kanda lowered his gaze and 'che'ed. He hoped Lavi would interpret that right, as he looked back up at the sky through the trees. 'Because, you dolt, you don't seem to be interpreting anything properly lately. And I need you to, because it's not like I've ever been able to interpret my own fucking emotions very well. And I think I'm scared that this might be love, and that's so shitty and sappy that I need you to tell me otherwise... but then I'd rather not hear you say anything at all, and that you'd just show me how you feel, because if I can't interpret my own emotions, like hell I can interpret yours.'

_And he doesn't know,_

_Just how far I would go_.

_So I make whirlpools,_

_And watch him sparkle._

_And we'll make love,_

_Make magic._


	12. Nothing On You by BOB

_**Nothing On You**_

Lavi rested his chin comfortably in his hand as the scenery rolled on past. The sound of rustling clothes dragged his gaze over to his fellow companion within the train carriage. Yuu was slipping off his exorcist jacket, eyes downcast. Lavi hadn't been able to figure out just what was eating at the Japanese beauty but it was both concerning and annoying.

He wanted to help, he really did, but Yuu kept barring him off.

Lavi turned to look back out the window. They'd be crossing through a small town in a few moments, and if Lavi was correct – and he was, because this is _Lavi_ – they'd be in the middle of a festivity that celebrated a female goddess and all the females in the village. It was always rather grand, with bright colours and music, dance, costumes and so on so forth. Lavi was rather disappointed to be missing it this year.

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Lavi's head whipped to the side as Yuu sat next to him, leaning his head on the redhead's shoulder and closing his eyes. Lavi smiled softly and wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders, frowning when Yuu tightened his fist in Lavi's shirt. Something was very much _not_ ok, but Lavi had learnt by now that with Yuu, it was best to just wait for him to come ask for help, rather than to push the issue.

The girls of village were just as beautiful as Lavi had known they would be, and he removed his arm from Yuu's shoulders to lean forward and get a better view. The coloured cloths fell around them beautifully and their hair was full of bright beads and such.

Out of the corner of his eye, Lavi could see that Yuu was also watching, when suddenly the teen released his hair and began fingering the strands thoughtfully. He quickly split one into three and his nimble fingers pulled the section into a small plait. And suddenly Lavi understood and he smiled. Yuu was having doubts.

He wrapped his arm around Yuu's waist and pulled him in close, so that Yuu's back was pressed to his chest and Yuu was sort of sprawled against Lavi's lap – but it was comfy. Lavi breathed in deeply, loving the smell of Yuu's hair, and he gently released the small plait.

"_They got nothin' on you, baby_," Lavi whispered reassuringly and after a minute or two, he felt Yuu nod slowly, unsure. Yuu was well aware of the fact that there were many _beautiful girls_ and he was worried that Lavi would soon lose interest. Well, that's what Lavi had figured out from Yuu's attitude. But that would never happen, because if Lavi went after them, his _time would be wasted_.

Lavi breathed in again. "You're only mine and I'm only yours. _They got nothin' on you, baby._"

_Beautiful girls, all over the world,_

_I could be chasing, but my time would be wasted._

_They got nothin' on you, baby._

_Nothin' on you, baby._


	13. Take It Off by Kesha

**I seriously recommend you listen to the song while reading this one :) helps with the (hopefully) sexy atmosphere.**

_**

* * *

**_

Take It Off

Hazy. Everything was so hazy. He was panting like an animal, eyes half-lidded and clouded with both confusion and lust. His head rolled and his hair slipped over his shoulders, creating delicious friction. Dust was being kicked up into the air and his back slammed against the rotting wall of the abandoned house.

He could hear the music pounding from the speakers of Lavi's car, parked only a few metres away. He dragged in a precious breath, before he was dragged under again, before hands slipped over his jaw line and tugged at his hair, before he was swept up in the excitement as Lavi kissed him passionately.

The confusion was thick, the lust thicker and the hazy cloud that was settling over his mind the thickest of them all. He'd caught sight of the inside of the house, which had been turned into a dingy club for teens. There was _glitter on the floor_ and the place was rumoured to be _hardcore_ but he could hardly think of that now as Lavi helped him slip from his shirt. He bent at the knees and raised his arms and the material slipped over him easily.

The cold was biting and the heat was flaring. He groaned and his eyelashes fluttered. _Turn me on_, he thought, panting again, heart thrumming, skin burning. Gods, he couldn't get enough of this. Lavi's devilish tongue lapped at his skin, dragging down his chest and heading further south. He cracked his eyes open, not really aware of the fact that they'd even closed, and looked down at Lavi through narrowed eyes and through his bangs, which were sweaty but so was the rest of him.

"_Take it off_," he whimpered, groaning loudly when Lavi bit his hip. His head banged painfully on the wall as he threw it back, and he could have sworn he'd felt the whole building shake. His body was shaking, begging too. For more, wanted more, needed more, more, more, more, moremoremoremoremore – _Lavi!_

_There's a place I know,_

_If you're looking for a show._

_Where they go hardcore_

_And there's glitter on the floor._

_And they, turn me on,_

_When they, take it off._

_When they, take it off._

_Everybody take it off._


	14. Cry by Kelly Clarkson

**Ah, this one is a sad song :( listen to the whole thing, because it's really beautiful. The last chorus is the most effective for this one. Thank you my lovely reviewers :) by the way the lyrics and title are supposed to be centred but ffnet is having formatting issues because they keep getting moved to the LEFT when they shouldnt be on the LEFT and it is ANNOYING!**

_**

* * *

**_

_**Cry**_

Lavi lowered his eyes and turned his head to the side, breaking eye contact with Kanda as the teen walked past. Those soulless eyes were now terrifying to look at; nearly completely black too, now that the pupils were so dilated all of the time. It was hard, having to bring himself to look at the previously beautiful, emotional – and hell, he was if you read the signs right – and lively – Kanda-type-lively – teenager.

Tears were beginning to build and Lavi furiously pushed them away. They were from fear and longing, and he cursed his currently unwelcome memory as it took him back to the day they had taken his lover away from him.

_Lavi curled his hands around Kanda's more petite ones and smiled as he pressed their foreheads together. Yuu gave that small smile of his and his eyes lit up with the action. Lavi's own smile grew wider before a hissed warning from Allen pulled them apart._

_To Lavi's surprise, Yuu stepped forward protectively – of both Allen and Lavi – and placed his hand on his sword. His demeanour had changed completely. He wasn't that angry, hot-tempered teen, or that soft-smiling lover. He was cold and his back ramrod straight and almost robotic._

_The superiors were nothing like anything Lavi or Allen had ever seen before, and they exchanged glances. Ever since the arrival of the third exorcists, there had been a lot of unknown, strange looking people around._

"_Yuu Kanda?" one of them demanded, stopping a few feet away from the Japanese exorcist. Yuu nodded slowly, eyes not even narrowing like they normally would have. "You are to come with us."_

_Kanda's hand slipped from Mugen and his shoulders fell. To everyone who was watching, it was shocking to see Kanda follow them with no complaint, allowing them to grip him tightly by each arm as he was led away like prisoner._

_When Kanda returned a week later, his tattoo was bigger, he was being referred to as an experiment – successful, apparently – and he was pretty much a machine. He obeyed orders in a monotone voice, with yes sirs and no sirs and there was no emotion whatsoever._

_Thanks to him being a Bookman in training, Lavi soon found out what had happened, and it didn't take long for him to realise that he had lost his lover forever. He cursed the Order, second exorcists, and the men who had stolen Yuu from him._

"He's gone, Lavi," Allen whispered softly, squeezing his best friend supportively on the shoulder.

Lavi raised his gaze again, unable to stop the tears that were rolling over his cheeks. He wouldn't have cared if they had ended it, but Yuu had been pulled from him forcefully, and though he had read report after report, he still didn't fully understand. And so now he was feeling _what it feels like to really cry_.

"Hey, Al'," he asked shakily. "Do you reckon this is _as hard as it gets?_" his voice broke at the end.

Allen looked at him sadly and shrugged. "I don't know Lavi, I really don't."

* * *

Lavi could hear screams from somewhere done the corridor he was standing in. It was the middle of the night so no one else was about to hear the screams, but Lavi was hearing them, and he knew he recognised those screams. And they were too pained, too raw, and too _emotional_, for Lavi to just turn his back against it.

He began running, heading for the very end which seemed so far away. Someone came out, one of those strange superiors who had such control over Kanda, but they didn't see Lavi because they were turning the opposite way.

Lavi sped up, knowing for sure that he would find Yuu. He threw the door open and froze. Tears once again fell from his eyes and he rushed over to the figure on his knees, with his own crystalline tears rolling down his cheeks and he kept his eyes closed and his body trembled.

There was the familiar smell of blood, and Lavi felt it on Yuu's arms as he dragged the boy to his feet. He'd been whipped, Lavi was sure of it, and he was going to _kill _the person responsible.

"Yuu," he whispered gently. The body in his eyes stiffened momentarily, before Yuu cried harder and his trembles became more violent.

"Lavi?" he asked, his voice broken. He swallowed thickly and placed his hands on the firm chest that belonged to Lavi. He kept his eyes closed, afraid to open them. "_Is it over yet?_" he asked, feeling Lavi step closer, feeling the redhead's tears fall from his cheeks onto Kanda's. "_Can I open my eyes?_"

Lavi smiled shakily and pressed his forehead to Kanda's, wrapping his hands around the ones on his chest. "Yeah," he breathed, ruffling the Japanese teen's bangs. Those beautiful eyes opened slowly, unsurely, and after blinking a few times, Yuu raised his eyes to meet Lavi's and gave a small shy smile. But the tears will still falling, faster now.

Lavi, relieved at having seen Yuu's eyes were back to normal, wrapped his arms securely around the smaller teen and pulled him in tightly. Resting his chin on Yuu's head, he smiled and rocked the boy gently. "_Cry_," he assured him, and he felt Yuu begin to sob into his chest. Had they really destroyed the boy this badly? Torn down his walls so effectively? "_Cry_. Just _cry_."

_Is it over yet?_

_Can I open my eyes?_

_Is this as hard as it gets?_

_Is this what it feels like to really cry?_


	15. Baby by Justin Bieber

**Nyah, dedicated to Niacy as a very big thank you :)**

_**

* * *

**_

**Baby**

"Yuuuuuuu-chaaaaaan!" Called Lavi, running out the door and into the fresh layer of snow. He held his hands high in the air as his smile lit up his face. "Yuuuuuuuu-chaaaaaan! Yuu-chan, Yuu-chan! Yuuuuuuuuuu-chaaaaaaaan!"

"WHAT?" hollered Yuu from where he was standing in the centre of the clearing. Tsk, tsk, Yuu, thought Lavi as he continued to barrel towards the other thirteen year old. Still training? You'll get sick, _baby, baby_.

"I have something to teeeeeeeell Yuuuuuuuu!" was the loud reply. Lavi came to a halt in front of the other and his grin wider. "I have something to tell _Yuu!_" he repeated.

Yuu scowled at the use of his first name and a swift swish of Mugen was enough for the Baka Usagi to realise that if he did it again... Tsk, tsk, Yuu, Lavi thought again. Still so threatening? But I love it when you _look right in my eyes_.

"Guess what?" he demanded, stepping even closer to the Japanese teen. Lavi noticed how much he was wearing, and how _little_ Yuu was wearing. Was he not cold? Tsk, tsk, Yuu, he thought once more. Still so stubborn? "I said guess!"

Yuu sighed with irritation and briefly closed his eyes. "What?" he asked begrudgingly.

"Nuh-uh," said Lavi, shaking his head. "I said _guess!_" Tsk, tsk, Yuu, were his thoughts again. Still not listening to me? You had better, what I'm about to say is important.

"I'm not fucking guessing, Baka Usagi!" Yuu snapped, leaning in closer to Lavi.

Lavi pouted. "Geez, alright, alright. Well then, I love you." He beamed, waiting for Yuu's over joyous reaction.

"Baka," the voice was gentle, and Lavi's hopes rose. "_We're just friends_."

Eh? "No, no, I love Yuu, I love Yuu!"

Yuu's gaze lowered almost sadly. He liked Lavi, he really did... possibly loved him back but... "_There's another_..." he had to find that face from his memories – those disjointed, painful memories.

"...Oh," was the quiet reply. "But I love Yuu."

Yuu squeezed his eyes shut. This should be painful for _Lavi_, not him! "Shut up!" he shook his head wildly and moved back to start training again. "Just... just, shove it, Lavi. Please?" His voice was weak and pathetic but it hurt more than it should.

Cocking his head to the side, Lavi stared for a while. Well, ok... suddenly his face lit up. He'd keep trying, he'd win Yuu's affection. Tsk, tsk, Yuu, he thought for the final time, moving up behind the other to embrace him tightly. Yuu, _my first love, broke my heart for the first time_, yet I still want Yuu. Because I love Yuu, _baby, baby._

_We're just friends, what are you saying?  
Said there's another, look right in my eyes.  
My first love broke my heart for the first time,  
And I was like  
Baby, baby, baby, oh  
Like baby, baby, baby no_


	16. Airplanes by BOB

_**Airplanes**_

The night was cold but with Yuu's body pressed up against his, Lavi was quite warm. But that was the last thing on his mind as he stared up at the starry sky, running over the young boy's words in his head.

Cancer... Yuu had cancer... he was fucking ten years old and he had _cancer_. He glanced at the boy lying against his side. His arm was beginning to go numb but he didn't care. As long as Yuu was comfortable. Those beautiful eyes were also trained on the sky and Lavi could see where his tears had dried.

"How long?" he asked, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat and repeated the question when Yuu looked at him confused.

Lowering his gaze, Yuu shrugged and snuggled more into Lavi. "Don't know... they won't tell me. Tiedoll knows, and Marie probably does, but they won't tell me and Dai'."

Lavi nodded and looked back at the sky. He could feel a fresh wave of grief approaching and the tears were quick to escape his eyes. His heart leapt when he saw what he thought were _shooting stars_, but then realised it was just two _airplanes_, and his heart near died.

He closed his eyes and turned to press his forehead against Yuu's as they both began to cry again. Please, God, don't take Yuu away from me. _I could really use a wish right now_, or some _shooting stars_, but all you keep sending me are these stupid _airplanes_. Please... please...

* * *

Lavi, now seventeen, looked from the starry _night sky _to the heat source pressed to his side. Yuu's face was peaceful as he slept on, his head resting on Lavi's shoulder. They didn't need those _shooting stars_ anymore; they didn't have to _pretend_ anymore. Because Yuu was fine.

After fighting back for so long, after all the tears and false hopes, Yuu had pulled through with little damage. His attitude towards others had changed drastically but Lavi had known the boy long enough not to be affected.

"Mmmm, Lavi?" Yuu asked sleepily, raising his head slightly as he finally woke up. "We're still here? What are you doing? Waiting for _shooting stars_?"

"Yeah," Lavi said quietly to the teen he loved. _I could really use a wish right now_... if only you knew how much I love you. He'd had a nightmare the previous night. That Yuu hadn't survived. That he had stood there, crying silently, as they'd lowered the coffin into the ground. The cancer had come back out of nowhere and of all tracks to be played at the funeral... he'd woken up crying, the sound of _airplanes_ roaring in his head as he begged God for that one _wish_, for those _shooting stars_...

Lavi's eyes shot open. His cheeks were wet, his bed cold and his lone self... alone. No Yuu, no Yuu at all. Because the funeral hadn't been a dream, but the part about Yuu surviving had been... and the part about all those granted wishes on _shooting stars_. Because all God ever sent were _airplanes_.

_Can we pretend that airplanes _

_In the night sky_

_Are like shooting stars?_

_I could really use a wish right now,_

_A wish right now,_

_A wish right now._


	17. Something About The Sunshine

_**Something About The Sunshine **by Sterling Knight & Anna Margaret_

Lavi pushes the door open slowly and peeks his head around it, eyes (because he'd decided to ditch the eye patch for now) scanning for the temperamental but totally beautiful Japanese teen who usually occupied the small, tidy, totally functional (and ace for parties) apartment.

He can hear the shower running and he grins, letting himself in and settling on the couch. He flicks on the telly, keeping out a watchful ear (let's pretend ears have eyes to be watchful with) so he will know when Yuu is done in the shower.

And hey, if Lavi is lucky, Yuu will walk out in just a towel like he so often does when no one's around – oh hell yeah, Lavi knows him that well (and has spied just a few hundred-and-one too many times).

"Yuu!" he calls happily when Yuu does finally arrive – dressed, unfortunately. Don't worry, Lavi just began secretly crying with the utter disappointment as well. "Let's go out! It's too great a day to spend inside!"

"Fuck no," is the simple, totally predicted, totally _Yuu_ reply. And he doesn't even bother to look at Lavi as he moves about his apartment with that grace he has always possessed, as if he owns the place (and hey, he does).

Ok, so, yeah, Kanda tried to say 'fuck no' a number of times, but he only has so much patience (can you say none at all?) so eventually he got Lavi to shut up by saying yes. Well it was more like, 'fuck! Yes, alright! Shut up, baka usagi!'

And Lavi got waaaaay too excited as the thought of all the implications those few words had, seeing as they came from Kanda. (Sexual, of course. Wouldn't be Lavi's implications otherwise, now would it.) But now Lavi was having too much fun, and enjoying himself too much, and Kanda had known him for far too long (fuck _yes!_) to be able to bring himself to snap at the redhead.

Instead, he was fighting a smile (sword and all damn right! This is Kanda fucking Yuu!) and hiding the signs behind his hand as Lavi tried on each ridiculous pair of sunnies – one after the other. He really had known this boy for too long. Because Lavi was still a boy (so goddamned immature) but Kanda still loved him anyway.

Love? Loved? Lov-e-ly? Lovely Lavi. Huh, he is good at amusing himself. But _there's something about the sunshine_, and Kanda just can't get that image of that smiling out of his mind. It's pressed to the back of his eyelids and will remain there for a good long while, he's sure of it.

"Come on, Yuu!" Lavi hollers (and he can holler. You should here his 'God' imitations). He's miles (not really but you need to understand exaggeration to understand Lavi – in the same way you need to understand sarcasm and pain to understand Yuu) away from Yuu who is clearly taking in the warm surroundings. Have to love summer. Have to love Yuu.

Huh. Love. Loved. Love Yuu. Lavi Yuu... Lavi Yuu... LaviYuu... LaviYuuLaviYuuLaviYuuLoveYou. How bloody freaking awesome. And Yuu looks too gorgeous for Lavi not to sweep the boy into his embrace and kiss him on the lips, under the _sunshine_, because _there's something about the sunshine. _And there's something about Yuu. And there's something about Lavi. And LaviYuu is totally LoveYou.

Or so Yuu says when he pushes Lavi away, trying to hide the blush, trying to fight the smile. But why bother, it's Lavi. If he sees all with one eye – then fuck yeah, he sees _all_ with two eyes.

_There's something about the sunshine baby,  
I'm seein' you in a whole new light.  
Out of this world for the first time baby,  
Oh, it's alright_


	18. Wanted by Jessie James

**I once again recommend you listen to the song at the same time :) mixture of angst and smexiness... is that possible? Hehe, me think so**

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Wanted

"Why?" the woman screeched, and Kanda took a step back, unwillingly startled. He'd thought she'd understood, thought... what had he thought? "You killed him! You killed my Thomas! You bastard!" She hit him repetitively and Kanda stood there, taking it all, eyes unwillingly wide.

Why was he being affected by her outburst so much? He should be used to this... should be... no one understood, no one, they thought him a monster, when he was _saving_ them from the monsters... turmoil was building, and so was confusion, and with a frustrated – and pained - cry, he drew Mugen and brandished it warningly.

"Yuu!" Lavi cried, grabbing the surprisingly distraught Japanese teen's arm and yanking it down. He kept his grip on that arm, that trembling arm, as he stared the woman down, telling her silently to leave.

She finally got the message, and, after cursing Yuu again, she walked away, tears running over her cheeks. Yuu yanked his arm free and shivered violently, staggering forward and catching himself with the same skill he used when coming out of a flying leap.

"Yuu," Lavi said again, though quieter, sympathising with the boy. He couldn't see those beautiful eyes because of the long bangs covering them, but those equally beautiful lips were pulled back and his teeth were clenched. "Yuu... c'mon, let's head back."

A pause, a forced nod. He was in an unbelievable amount of pain – emotional and physical. His skin was burning, the tattoo throbbing and his throat was blocked by some unknown emotion, but Kanda followed anyway.

* * *

Lavi had barely gotten the key in the lock when Kanda had made up his mind, and he pushed the redhead through the door and slammed him against the adjacent wall. _I only wanna be wanted_, he thought as he pressed his lips against Lavi's and kept the taller boy's hands pressed to the wall.

The door swung close and Kanda pulled away, sliding down Lavi's body and running his hands over the taut muscles. He slipped his hands up under Lavi's shirt, dragging his nails tauntingly over the muscles he felt there, before removing his hands and unbuckling Lavi's belt and shoving down his pants so that they hung low around his hips.

Scoffing, Kanda shoved Lavi back with a sharp push of his hand against Lavi's hip and stood swiftly, turning away from the redhead now onhis knees_, _clearing finding it _hard to breathe_. He walked towards the window then turned and looked back at Lavi.

With a sharp flick, his hair was out of his eyes and he tauntingly stripped himself of his exorcist coat and white dress shirt. Running his hands over his own body, he linked his thumbs through the belt loops on his pants and leaned back a bit.

"Well," he said, quietly and mysteriously and so tauntingly once again. "Come here." He pulled his hair loose and ran a hand through it, disentangling the few snags.

Before he knew it, Lavi had his lips over his and was pushing him back onto the bed. Kanda raised a hand but Lavi caught it and deepened the kiss. With a gasp, Kanda pulled away and held Lavi back by placing a forceful hand on his chest.

Lavi was panting, his gaze was hazy, but he could see the doubt and fear and the uncertainty and the _tears_ building in those eyes. "Make up your mind, Yuu." He was begging, really, if Yuu could hear it in his voice.

Why was he shaking again? "..._Put your mouth on my lips_," he ordered quietly, trying to recover that same defiance he'd felt earlier. Lavi pushed him back again and kissed him passionately. Kanda groaned and arched his back, eyelashes fluttering as his eyes rolled back into his head.

But tears were still slipping loose, and next was a sob and Kanda linked his arms around Lavi's neck, pulling him closer, kissing him with desperation. "_I only wanna be wanted by you_," he panted, kissing Lavi again and again as gentle fingers brushed his tears from his cheeks. Gods, he was so aroused, so desperate. His body was trembling.

"What exactly do you think I've always wanted from you, my darling?" Lavi breathed against his neck after separating from the kiss. "Don't be scared, I won't leave you. I couldn't."

"Are you allowed to have personal reasons for sticking by someone, Bookman Junior?" Kanda asked, his voice dead as he waited for Lavi's answer, eyes trained on the ceiling, grip loose.

"It will only make me stronger," Lavi breathed, before Kanda pulled him down again for another kiss. "Now stop your teasing, and take care of the problem you've caused." And there was that smirk again, that defiance, and Lavi groaned, biting down savagely on Kanda's shoulder, drawing blood. He'd have to get stronger if he wanted to last in a relationship with Yuu.

_Wanna tease you till you're begging me,  
And you're on your knees,  
And it's hard to breathe,  
And every other time is just a memory,  
'Cause I only wanna be wanted by you._

_Put your lips on my mouth,  
Put your lips on my mouth,  
Put your lips on my..._


	19. Bang A Drum by Selena Gomez

**This one is only very short but a shout out to Jiahnah for all of your lovely reviews :D I was very very happy to read them all. If it helps any, my sister thought I looked like a retard because I didn't stop smiling for like 10 minutes straight or something, haha.**

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_**Bang A Drum**_

He was here again. That stupid baka usagi redhead who'd taken up all his free time by completely filling every last one of his thoughts. And he didn't like it. No-sir-ee, he did not like it one little bit. He, Kanda Yuu, did not like it... ok so maybe he liked it a bit... well the whole part about the baka usagi being here again.

It was quite ridiculous as to how captivated he was by the redhead, who happily visited the cafe each day... ye-ah, Kanda has yet to work out whether or not that's a good thing...

He sighed and grabbed the cloth off the table he'd just wiped down, finally raising his gaze enough to see the face of the other teen. And he was so captivated that next thing he freaking knew '_I trip on the furniture. _That would be right. Great way to make a good impression.'

Sighing again, Kanda pushed himself onto all fours before pulling himself to his feet with the assistance of the table he'd just tripped over. He plastered a relatively calm expression on his face, pretending nothing was wrong when,

"Hey, sweet cheeks!"

"...Lavi, what the fuck are you doing?" he demanded. Oh hell yeah, he was on a first name basis with the redhead...

"_Tryin' to holler at 'cha_, Yuu." ...unfortunately.

_You caught my eye and I'm tryin' to holler at 'cha._

_You're walkin' by and I trip on the furniture._

_I'm on a ride that won't stop movin',_

_And I don't know exactly what I'm doin'._


	20. Turn It Up by Pixie Lott

_**Turn It Up**_

Kanda leant causally against the doorframe, arms crossed as he silently watched the redhead shove the last of his things in a bag, before checking over the room to make sure he had everything. Once he was, the redhead slipped on his bandana, the prayer beads Kanda had bought him that time – a matching pair and Lavi knew Yuu never took his off and that the teen never would.

"Ok," the redhead said a little shakily, smiling at Kanda with a mixture of emotions. "I'm ready. Shall we go?"

Kanda nodded, finding a strange lump was forming in his throat, but he pushed it back down and waited until Lavi was by his side with his bags in hand before taking one of the heavy-ish bags and walking down the hallways with the redhead.

They reached the entrance way too soon in Kanda's opinion and he softly placed the bag on the ground with the rest of them, watching quietly as Lavi ran to Bookman to talk to him. The war had come to a halt – strange and surprising – and the pair of Bookmen had waited for six months, but when it became clear nothing was going to happen anytime soon, they realised they'd have to move on.

Finally it was time to say goodbye, and Allen and Lenalee did with heavy hearts and tears on their cheeks and sobs in their throats as they hugged Lavi tightly and wished him well. Lavi soon reached Yuu, wanting to save the boy for last, and they stood there for a while, just staring.

"_I know you can't stay_," Kanda said quietly, breaking the silence and lowering his gaze to the floor. "_We had our time_," he added, his voice even softer as he brought up the one topic that had such a hold on the both of them. Lavi only spent so much time in one place; Kanda only had so much time left.

To Lavi's surprise, it was Yuu who initiated the hug. It was gentle and warm, relatively loose and Lavi returned it happily, breathing in Yuu's scent as he closed his eyes. He felt something strange shudder through Yuu and suddenly the Japanese doll was holding him so much tighter. Pulling away, Lavi pressed his lips to Yuu's, capturing the sob that wanted to break free as tears began to roll down Yuu's face.

Yeah, he was cool with it, knew it was going to happen, but that didn't mean it still wouldn't hurt, Kanda thought, unable to keep the tears at bay. He didn't want to have to say goodbye, didn't want to have to let go. And that became painfully clear to Lavi as he struggled to remove Kanda's grip on him, having to get the assistance of Marie and Tiedoll.

That beautiful tear-stained face stared back at him forlornly as Lavi swallowed thickly and picked up his bags slowly, heading for the door. He knew he shouldn't have turned back, knew the sight would steal all his courage – and it did – but he had to whisper the words they both knew. "_We're moving on and we'll be ok._"

Kanda smiled through his tears, brushing them away as he nodded his head. Yeah, they would be, if not straight away, if not next week, but they would be.

_'Cause I know you can't stay, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the fall.  
We had our time, baby, so I won't be waiting, anticipating for the call.  
Turn it up, turn it up for the people that say "we're moving on and we'll be okay"._

_As the world turns around and we go different places, new things, new dreams, new faces.  
Wanna shake up, when we break up, but we keep our memories._


	21. Tell Me Something I Don't Know

**Sorry there's been no updates for a while, I was away :) formatting be a biatch again... -sigh-**

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_**Tell Me Something I Don't Know **__by Selena Gomez_

Lavi closed his eyes and sighed once Lenalee and Allen approached his table. He placed his fork down, pinched the bridge of his nose then dared to mutter, "Yes?"

"There are 63360 _inches in a mile_," Allen declared happily. The Brit folded his arms over his chest while Lenalee hugged herself excitedly.

Lavi smirked and tilted his head so that it was resting in the palm of his hand. "I said to _tell me something I don't know_," he droned, smirk widening when Allen made a surprised, questioning sound and Lenalee pouted.

"But not many people know _how many inches in a mile_ there are," she protested, manoeuvring her slight hands so they sat upon her hips.

Shrugging, Lavi resumed eating. "True, but it's not too hard to figure out. Given up yet?" he asked tauntingly, once again not bothering to hide the smirk that made his lips curl.

"Ha!" snorted Allen as he began to lead Lenalee away. "You wish!"

* * *

"What's this about you challenging the Moyashi and Lenalee?" Kanda asked quietly as he tiredly unpacked his suitcase. He wrinkled his nose. All of his belongings reeked of blood.

Lavi, who was lying on the Japanese teen's bed while staring at the ceiling, merely hummed.

Kanda sighed and leaned against the wall. "I don't have time for this," he scolded. "I'm tired as hell."

Gritting his teeth and finding himself unusually angry, Lavi sat up. "I told them to _tell me something I don't know_. And here's one for you now," Lavi added as he moved off the bed and stormed towards the door. "How to _get ya not to treat me like a child_."

Kanda winced then sighed as the door slammed closed behind the redhead's angrily retreating form.

* * *

Maybe, thought Lavi as he watched quietly, hidden away in a corner of the library. Maybe I was so angry because I can't ever make you smile like they can.

It'd been Lavi's task – duty, goal, whatever – to cheer up the beautiful Yuu after his mission. He'd wanted to make the older boy smile just as easily as Lenalee and Allen were making the weary exorcist do so now.

Slamming his book shut, Lavi marched over to them and interrupted the conversation by blurting, "_what is takes to make you smile_."

Kanda frowned. "Come again?"

"One of the things I don't already know and want to know," Lavi explained in a slightly irritated tone of voice.

Lenalee made a small sound of surprise that originated from the back of her throat while Allen raised his brows and crossed his arms.

"What it takes to make Yuu smile?" he asked, disbelief dripping from his words.

Lavi nodded swiftly. Kanda smirked, then cocked his head to the left and ran his tongue over the edges of his top row of teeth. Lavi knew what that series of movements meant – Kanda was halfway between totally pissed and completely hurt... never a good thing.

"If you haven't managed to figure that out by now..." Kanda said softly as he stood slowly. He shook his head and gave a short breathless and completely empty chuckle as he began to walk away. "If you haven't managed to figure that out by now, then I think you ought to stop proclaiming to the world that we're best friends."

* * *

Eight days passed before Lavi finally decided what he should do.

He caught Kanda after training – like, literally _caught_. Keeping the Japanese teen pressed to the wall by painfully pressing the handle of his innocence against that beautiful body, Lavi let it out in a rush.

"I know nearly everything, I remember everything and I study everything. Ever since I first saw someone make you smile, I studied them and anyone else who managed to accomplish the same thing." Here Lavi paused, quickly taking in Kanda's pissed, yet confused, yet interested, yet bored expression – something only Kanda Yuu could ever hope to achieve – before continuing.

"But I can't figure it out!" Lavi cried desperately, unintentionally slamming his innocence against Kanda and therefore causing the older exorcist to wince. "And the times that I _have_ managed – and thankfully God knows I have – I don't know how, so would – mmph!"

Kanda had finally just decided to lurch forward and seal Lavi's lips with his own. The redhead was shocked, even more so when he felt Yuu's lips curling up against his own.

He hurriedly pulled away and sure enough, Kanda was smiling. All Lavi could think was how beautiful Yuu looked and how much younger and how much more innocent it made Yuu seem. And all Lavi could say was, "you're not putting it on, are you?"

As laughter bubbled up from his throat, Kanda's grin widened even more, revealing perfect white teeth and causing his eyes to light up and crinkle slightly at the corners. "Kiss me again and you're bound to find out."

_How many inches in a mile, what it takes to make you smile,_

_Get ya not to treat me like a child, baby._

_Tell me, tell me, tell me something I don't know._


	22. Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

_**Your Call**_

Had it been planned from the very beginning as to just how his life would run? What path he would follow? Had it been decided by Fate or God or some greater being? Was he born to become the next in the long line of Bookmen? Born to fight in this horrid war?

Lavi's green eyes slid over to where Kanda slept soundly in Lavi's bed – though lately it'd become more _their_ bed. The Japanese teen had fallen asleep hours ago, after struggling to wait up for Lavi. It was two in the morning according to the clock clicking away, perched on the desk at which Lavi was sitting. The room was lit by the lamp sitting next to the clock, casting shadows on faces and walls.

Gritting his teeth, Lavi stared down at the ground and clenched his fists. He... he couldn't do this. Not to Yuu. Not when he loved Yuu so much. But the order had come from above, and from Bookman. He couldn't _not_ do it – it was all part of some deal for some lousy information that apparently Bookman had been trying to get his hands on for who-knows-how-goddamn-long.

To make matters worse, the information was about what they wanted Lavi to... deal with. It was about Yuu and the second exorcists... about _Yuu_. Taking in a shuddering breath, Lavi lifted his head then let it fall back so he could stare at the ceiling. He tried to bid his nerves away as he slipped his hand into his jacket and drew out the jewel encrusted dagger he'd been given to complete the task with.

He looked back at his hands, this time focusing on the dagger. He slid it slowly from its sheath and turned it over under the light, studying it. Had blood already been spilled using this blade? Or would tonight be the first?

He had to do it. He couldn't not do it. He was born to be a Bookman before... before... he glanced at Yuu's slumbering form, his peaceful face, and smiled. 'Before _I was born to tell you I love you_,' he thought sadly.

Pushing himself to his feet, he held the dagger tightly, turning his knuckles white and making his hand and wrist ache. His nerves were building again, the time between his inhales and exhales shortening. He swallowed thickly. He had to do this... he had to do this.

Lavi walked quietly to the bed and stared at Yuu for a good long while. Perfect, pink lips were parted slightly as each sweet, deep breath passed through them. Lashes, long and thick, created shadows on the high cheek bones of that pale, doll-like face. They fluttered momentarily as hidden eyes flickered from side to side, caught in the envisioned reality of a dream. Hair like the richest, purest ink spread out on the pillow around the heavenly creature going by the name of Kanda Yuu.

Maybe he could do it Romeo and Juliet style... sort of. Maybe he could complete the task and then take his own life. It'd be dignified, wouldn't it? Romantic, tragic? He wouldn't have to live with the guilt.

But Bookman was too old to look for another heir, trainee, Junior and if Lavi were to take his own life, the line of Bookmen could be threatened with complete and utter extinction. 'Even so, _I am torn to do what I have to_,' was the thought that followed. Because he couldn't go through with it but he _had_ to.

Breathing in deeply, pushing away the nerves and fears and guilt, Lavi grasped the dagger in both hands and held it high above his head. His breaths were shaky pants and he could feel the sweat beading on his skin.

He glanced at Yuu one more time. Why? _Why?_ Why now, all of a sudden, did they decide they wanted to be rid of the second exorcists? Lavi couldn't even remember how many petals out of the original thirteen that Yuu had left! Did that mean he just had to keep stabbing until he'd long passed thirteen, to assure Yuu was dead? Straight through the heart. Quick and efficient because the first one wouldn't kill Yuu but it'd wake him, and Lavi had to deal with him before he could strike back. And then he'd have to watch the blood soak into the sheets, the life slip from Yuu's body, the light in his eyes vanish.

But finally he did it. He brought it down hard and fast, eyes clenched shut, teeth grit tightly, tears salty and pure. The dagger slipped through cleanly, cutting pale flesh and drawing crimson blood. He heard Kanda – it'd kill him more if he had to call his... _mission_ 'Yuu' – gasp and wake. Heard him choke on the air he was breathing.

The next strike was slower, more hesitant, but Kanda was still in too much shock to do anything. Lavi raised the dagger for a third time and froze. He couldn't do it. The marks were there, he could smell the blood, hear Kanda's rapid breathing. He could work with that when he had to report back about his failure. Twist it. Kanda woke and managed to fight back.

The knife slipped from his hands and clattered on the stone floor. He collapsed to his knees, struggling to hold back tormented, broken wails for mercy as he threw himself onto Kanda. He begged for forgiveness as he cried and cried and cried. Blood was mixing with his tears as it ran across Kanda's torso.

Eyes still wide and shocked, glued to the spot where Lavi had been standing, Kanda took in one shaky breath after another. What the hell had just happened? What... was that? "L-Lavi," he breathed, eyes, still wide, finally looking down at the redhead clinging to his body. He couldn't tell if his heart hurt because of the betrayal or the stabbing.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," Lavi whispered, cried, sobbed, unable to bring himself to lift his head and look Yuu in the eye. He felt a hand settle on his head and fingers run through his hair soothingly. "I'm so sorry, I had to, I had no choice, I'm sorry. I love you, I love you so much. I'm sorry," he repeated again.

Kanda let his head fall, his bangs covering his eyes. He'd seen this coming – the betrayal from the Order, not the stabbing. He wondered if Komui knew about this, if Tiedoll did. Or even Old Man Zu. Did any of them know? Did any of them try to stop it?

"_Stay with me tonight_," Kanda whispered forlornly. He wanted to tug on Lavi's hair to soothe him, assure him he understood, but he was too overcome by his emotions to move a muscle. He felt the redhead hesitate but then nod nonetheless, heard the words of gratitude slip from those lips. Pathetic. He wanted to shut his lover up, wanted to punish him for his weakness, wanted to kiss Lavi so hard that it bruised the Junior Bookman's lips.

But the sting was still there. Not from the injury, but from the fact that it had been Lavi. Because even if the order had come from higher up, Lavi had still gone along with it, had tried to kill him, had cut his time down even further. He'd lost two lives tonight. He couldn't just ignore that, let it slide like he usually could with his other injuries and the other shit the Order put him through.

So they sat there like that till the sun rose three hours later, revealing the dirty secrets that had been kept and unearthed in the night.

'_Cause I was born to tell you I love you  
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine  
Stay with me tonight._


	23. Dancing With Tears In My Eyes by Kesha

_**Dancing With Tears In My Eyes **__by Kesha_

Kanda staggered and swayed, trying hopelessly to keep himself standing as blood seeped into his clothes and ran over his skin, dripping to the ground in a melancholic rhythm that sickened him. He'd pushed it too far this time – _way_ too far.

Going off without Lavi had been one of the stupidest choices he'd ever made, especially with his curse playing up and the vision of the lotuses becoming harder and harder to see beyond. Even at the age he was at, he still hadn't gotten past the stage of avoiding the flowers, trying not to harm them.

He'd done enough fighting, he thought as he collapsed to the ground. Now he was _just fighting to get through the night_. Lavi would kill him if he didn't make it back by morning. That and the redhead would worry, and, though Kanda really wouldn't like to admit it, he hated worrying the baka usagi.

So he pushed himself to his feet and kept walking, dancing drunkenly, _dancing with tears in my eyes_.

Lavi groaned when there was a knock at the door. Rubbing loosely at his eyes, he opened the door and froze, suddenly very awake. Yuu was ashen and crimson... and he was ashen because of all the crimson.

Yuu looked up, eyes clouded by pain. Mugen clattered to the ground and Yuu opened his mouth to say something, but a shudder ran up his spine, shaking him badly, and the wounds reopened and the pain was immense and Lavi saw it happening but was still in too much shock to do anything as Yuu's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed to the ground.

Lavi only noticed the older teen's hair was out when he noticed how morbidly beautiful Yuu looked lying there, his hair spread around him, getting stained by the blood that stubbornly pulsed from open wounds. It was a puddle, and Lavi couldn't avoid stepping in it as he collected up the broken doll that was Kanda Yuu.

"Baka," he whispered into Yuu's hair as he paused momentarily in bandaging Yuu's wounds. "I told you not to leave without me, told you that you were still too weak." But Yuu's eyes remained closed and Lavi was growing worried because there was no sign of Yuu's wounds healing like they should be.

He hadn't been aware of Yuu's thoughts as he'd walked through the inn, heading for their room. '_With every move I die_, I'm losing way too much blood.' And the words he'd wanted to say to Lavi before he'd passed out: "Forgive me."

_I'm dancing, with tears in my eyes,  
Just fighting, to get through the night.  
I'm losing it.  
With every move I die._


	24. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

**So... it's been a while.. hehe my bad. But I have plenty more to come and some sitting stashed away somewhere and ideas circling and an ever growing playlist of possibilities... plus a song that was suggested a while back by Shinjiteru so I shall be getting around to that eventually as well :)**

**Totally in love with this song, for the record GO LISTEN NOW! bahah enjoy :)**

**oh and thanks for the reviews, faves, alerts and all the love :)**

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**_Dreaming With A Broken Heart_**

_John Mayer_

Lavi placed his hands against the door, and then leant his forehead against it. He grit his teeth, hesitating, considering knocking. Slowly, he lifted a loosely clenched fist and rapped on the door once, quietly. The Japanese boy probably wouldn't have even heard it.

"Yuu..." Lavi mewled quietly. The word, though whispered, echoed down the dark, silent corridor. He sighed. His shirt shifted and he shrugged his shoulders to force it back into place. He shouldn't even be there.

He'd left. The Order was no more – to him, at least. Well, that's how it was supposed to be. He was well aware of the fact that Lenalee had spotted him in town the other day. She would have told Yuu. Yuu wouldn't have been stupid enough to try hunt him down, but he'd be hurting as much as he had when Lavi had first left.

And that tore Lavi apart. So he called the Japanese boy's name a little louder and finally opened the door. He blinked once, twice, then smiled sadly and leant against the doorframe, arms crossed.

Yuu was lying right on the edge of the bed, one arm dangling over the side. Scattered by his half-open hand were a pile of dishevelled roses. They looked dark crimson in the light and Lavi stepped further into the room so that they were at his feet.

Smiling once more, he turned his attention to the Japanese doll sleeping on the bed. His hair slipped down over his shoulders and pale neck, his collarbone defined in the soft moonlight. His parted lips closed together for a moment and his brow furrowed, lost in the land of dreams.

One single rose was still trapped by the youth's fingers. Lavi assessed how deeply Yuu was sleeping – because he rarely slept deeply at all – and when he was sure there was no way he'd wake the slumbering beauty, he gently pried the rose free. Yuu's hands were bloody from the thorns, but the cuts were healed. Lavi gently traced his fingers over one particular bump. A thorn had broken off and gotten lodged in Yuu's hands. The skin had already healed over.

Wincing, Lavi brushed Yuu's fringe back and kissed him gently on the forehead. Yuu would have fun tearing it out – not. He next noticed the note on the bedside table and considered picking it up when he saw it was addressed to him. But no, he didn't want Yuu knowing he'd been here. It'd only make things harder.

That didn't mean he couldn't read it, Lavi mused. _Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?_ Lavi's throat tightened when he read over the question. He'd accused Yuu so many times of being too unromantic, and now the boy was accusing him for leaving. How unromantic was that – him just up and leaving all of a sudden.

He hadn't had a choice in the matter, Lavi thought, curling his fists. He hissed when a thorn pricked him and he looked at his palm as a dot of red welled to the surface. It was time to leave again, he admitted bitterly, taking one last look at Yuu before he walked away from the Japanese boy for the second time that year.

Kanda woke slowly, for once choosing to lie in bed rather than get up to train. The sun was bleeding in across the stone floors, across his ivory skin, and it was too comforting to want to drag himself into reality.

Lazily, his eyes trailed to the spot beneath his bed where the roses lay, and his heart pounded painfully. He sat up quickly, nose and eyes burning strangely. Was he actually going to cry over that fool? Fuck, he'd done it before, what did it matter now.

He swept the roses away angrily and crossed the room, grabbing Mugen and changing his shirt. Had he bothered to count the roses, he would have noticed that one was missing. He might have realised that he'd forgotten to turn off his golem that night if he'd bothered to take it with him. And he might have seen the tear stains and bloody smudge on his note had he bothered to check that.

But he didn't. And instead he left the room with one final glance over his shoulder. _When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part_, he thought, before closing the door behind him.

_Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?_

_Would you get them if I did?_

_No, you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone..._

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart,_

_The waking up is the hardest part._

Dreaming With A Broken Heart


	25. Halfway There by Big Time Rush

_**Halfway There**_

"Che," Kanda muttered, shifting his grip on the damn Moyashi. "Can't you land to stand on your own two feet?" he barked sharply as the Moyashi's knees buckled again, nearly dragging the both of them to the bloodied ground.

"Pretty sure on our first mission together I _carried_ your godforsaken unconscious self!" Allen retorted just as loudly, just as sharply, digging his nails into Kanda's arm threateningly – and in order to get himself a perch as he pulled against the Japanese doll once more to get himself standing. He thought Kanda had flinched because of that, but godforsaken was a description that hit too close to home.

"Kanda! Allen!" Lenalee chastised, casually wagging her finger at them as, being piggy-backed by Lavi, she and the Bookman Jnr. joined the bickering teenagers. "Just help each other out and stop complaining!"

Lavi laughed, green eye sparkling with mirth. He casually ran his eyes over Yuu, making sure he wasn't harmed too badly. It'd be stupid to see if he was unharmed – impossible in this line of work. "Yuu-chan, leave Moyashi-chan be and just help him."

"Shut up, Baka Usagi," Kanda snapped in reply, but he slung the Moyashi's arm over his shoulders nonetheless and wound his other around the British boy's waist, taking most of his weight. "Shall we go?"

Lavi surveyed the grounds around them, nodding slowly. "It appears we've done what we needed to..."

"Down!" Kanda barked suddenly in the instant Allen's eye whirred to life, dropping the Brit to the ground and shoving Lavi out of the way as he took the hit. An inhumane scream left his lips against his will as the poisonous needles dug in deeply, burning his veins. The next hit sent him backwards and his back hit one of the few standing walls that were left.

It crumpled beneath his weight. Pushing himself to his feet quickly, Kanda had Mugen out in front of him in time to block the next attack. A parry and two swipes later and the Akuma fell with a screech, joining the ash already littering the grounds.

"Yuu," Lavi hissed as he grabbed the Japanese teen. Yuu protested loudly and painfully, trying to pull free so he could lick his wounds in peace, but Lavi held on tightly. "Are you ok?"

"Better than you would have been had you taken the hit!" Kanda snapped angrily. His flesh was burning, his eyesight wavering. He clenched his teeth, feeling bones snap back into place. Bile began to burn the back of his throat – great, now his body was trying to rid itself of the poison.

The smell of burning flesh was too strong for Lavi not to cover his mouth and nose. Yuu healing was as morbidly horrible to watch each time he saw it happen. Something must have healed suddenly, because Yuu grunted in surprise, grabbing at his ribs.

"Shall we move on?" Allen suggested from where he and Lenalee were lounging on the ground – not that they'd had much of a choice.

"Just give me a minute," Kanda breathed shakily. "If you want your fucking human crutch back, Moyashi, then let me bloody heal!"

Lavi placed a hand on Yuu's shoulder, making sapphire eyes snap to meet his green eye. "Calm down, Yuu-chan, just relax. Won't it be easier if you sit?"

"No," Kanda said dismissively. "As exorcists, _we take what comes and we keep on going. _We don't have time to rest."

"Alright then," Lavi agreed, his thousand-watt smile returning. "Let's go shall we?"

"BaKanda!" Allen snapped.

"What?"

"Hurry up!"

"Fuck you, Moyashi!"

Lavi and Lenalee laughed. Lenalee smiled gratefully at Lavi as the redhead lifted her onto his back again. They watched as, fighting each other the whole way, Allen and Kanda helped each other.

"Watch my damn injuries!" Kanda snapped, slapping away Allen's hand. "God, you're so difficult."

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain!" Allen yelled, though there was nothing behind it. What exactly had their Lord done for them other than throw them into this bloody war? "Now let's go." Allen looked at Lavi. "Your boyfriend is insane."

"My boyfriend is amazing," Lavi retorted with a smile, eyes travelling over to Yuu.

Kanda sighed, his ears red. "Stop talking about me as if I ain't here, bakas!"

"Stop talking about me as if _I'm not here_, Yuu, use proper English."

"Usagi, run."

Lavi bolted for it and Lenalee shrieked, wrapping her arms around the redhead's neck tighter to prevent herself from falling off. Looking back over her shoulder, she bit her lip as she ran her eyes over the previous battle ground. But Lavi was laughing, and though bickering still, she could see the hints of amusement in both Kanda's and Allen's eyes, and she smiled.

_So we take what comes and we keep on going,_

_Leaning on each other's shoulders,_

_Then we turn around,_

_And see we've come so far, somehow._


	26. Grenade by Bruno Mars

_**Grenade**_

The valuable crimson liquid stubbornly continued to pulse from between his gritted teeth as wide eyes stared at the dirt clutched in his clenched fists. His heart was beating so fast he feared it might break a rib.

Finally allowing a startled, shaky breath through, the blood spilled over his lips and his eyes snapped up to where his opponent had been standing. Gone. The damned Noah of Pleasure was gone. The pain of three bones snapping into place was enough to make dots dance across his already pain-clouded vision, and he rested his head on his forearms.

He had to push himself to his feet. Get moving like always. He needed to get back to the Inn and report in. So that... Lavi... would know he was safe... they were both safe. After all he'd come to prevent Lavi from having to come himself. It was in order to keep the Bookman's successor safe... to keep his comrade safe.

Kanda felt the sadness grip at him so heavily it was enough to force his weary body to the ground fully. He rolled painfully onto his side, and then with some effort onto his back. He'd test it. He'd test that bastard Noah's words and prove him wrong.

Though his exhaustion was bone deep, Kanda raised an arm to drape it over his eyes for a few fleeting moments, before he forced himself to stand and stagger back.

* * *

Lavi sat up slowly, allowing the sheets to fall down his naked chest to pool in his lap. Lazily, he glanced to the opposite bed, to where the whimper had come from. There it was again. What was making Kanda Yuu act so bizarrely?

Brow furrowing, Lavi laid back down and twisted on his side. He'd have to figure it out soon. He couldn't leave unanswered questions in his report. Closing his eyes, he drew forth the memory of that evening.

_He heard the knock first and recognised the rhythm behind it less than a second after. He'd heard it each time before entering Komui Lee's office with Kanda Yuu. The fact that Kanda Yuu was knocking was odd and out of behaviour, and Lavi looked up from his records._

_The door swung open slowly, without the usual vigour possessed by Kanda Yuu. Tired eyes took in their surroundings wearily then settled on Lavi as if assessing the Bookman Junior's reaction. What reaction is he after? Lavi mused as sadness filled those tired eyes and Kanda Yuu allowed himself to break eye contact._

"You know I'd do anything for ya_, right?"_ _Kanda Yuu slurred. Completely out of character, Lavi assessed, already storing the notes away mentally. He'd get around to them later. Those lips were unusually red and it took Lavi a moment to realise that he smelt blood. He'd become so accustomed to the scent that it hadn't hit him as strange. "_I would die for ya_," was added quietly._

_Kanda Yuu held his arms out to the side at maybe 22 degree angles and shrugged fractionally. He is waiting for something to be returned after revealing something from the heart, Lavi realised with a touch of honest surprise._

"_I know," Lavi said at last, unable to keep the hint of confusion out of his voice. "It's in your character to do so."_

"_And it's not in yours?" was the defeated, desperate reply. Lavi noted the glistening eyes, the fluttering lids, and the way Kanda Yuu began to depend more and more on the support of the doorframe. _

"_I'm... sorry but I don't understand. It is in Lavi's character to be protective, but his duties remain to the Bookman Clan so fatal sacrifices are to be avoided. I don't understand," he repeated, dimly wondering if Lavi should stand and act concerned about the fact that Kanda Yuu was now sitting, perhaps slumping was more appropriate, eyes closed, breaths barely passing by exceptionally red lips._

"_Of course you don't," Kanda Yuu said on the breath of a sigh. "The damned Noah was right. _I would go through all this pain _he said and he then said _you wouldn't do the same_."_

Closing his eyes a little tighter, Lavi tried for the billionth time (irrational number. It was actually the 436th time) to decipher what Kanda Yuu had meant, what the Noah had meant, and what it meant for Lavi.

_I'd catch a grenade for ya.  
Throw my head on a blade for ya.  
I'd jump in front of a train for ya.  
You know I'd do anything for ya. Oh, oh.  
I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain.  
Yes, I would die for ya baby, but you won't do the same_


	27. Rainbow Veins by Owl City

**So... it's been a while. So sorry about that hehe... hmmm. But I should hopefully be returning with a few more before I may or may not vanish again. School is a pain, my dear readers :) thank you all so much for the reviews and do enjoy this little drabble :) for the record, Owl City equals love. Their songs all sound the same after a while but their lyrics are adorable haha so enjoy :) oh and forgive the very confusing layout for this one...**

* * *

_**Rainbow Veins**_

Kanda breathed deeply, feeling very, very content with the sun on his back, the ocean hundreds of metres below his feet and the sweet sound of Lavi's guitar playing in the background. It was making him sleepy as the redhead played the notes so easily, so smoothly.

He leaned back on his head and tilted his head, allowing the sun to warm his face. He closed his eyes. Colours splashed across his mind, reminding him of Lavi. That, and the rainbow hovering in the sky above them.

When he opened his eyes again, the sky had darkened, it'd become chilly and Lavi had stopped playing the guitar. His hips were pressed up against the railing he'd been sitting behind and his breaths were coming in rushed gasps. Why was he shaking?

In this state, Kanda turned to Lavi. How had time passed so quickly? Just weeks ago they'd been so carefree, basking in the sun as Lavi played his guitar. Now. Now Kanda didn't know what was going on anymore.

"_Your heart has a lack of colour_," Lavi murmured, holding his hand out to his distraught Japanese friend. "_Cheer up and dry your damp eyes_."

Kanda let out a breathy laugh and curled his hands around the railing. His tears were falling from his lashes to join the waves down below. A hand on his shoulder made him jump, and he fell back into the solid chest behind him.

It was warm and comfortable, just like the sun shining down on them. Kanda sighed happily and closed his eyes again. Again, such a change to just a few days ago. The fact that he hadn't contemplated jumping earlier was a bit of a surprise but he was glad Lavi had been there.

But things were different between them now. They were both closer and more distant from each other. Their hearts were beating in sync yet were thumping to a different beat. Kanda couldn't understand it. He pushed away from Lavi and stood, placing his hands on his hips.

The sun was setting and he tilted his head to the side. He didn't know Lavi anymore, and Lavi didn't know him. He glanced down at the redhead. Really, he thought, _we should've known that we'd grow up sooner or later_.

Grow up and away from each other it seemed. He glanced back at the glowing orb hovering above the ocean. And they remained like that until the sun set and darkness fell around them, bringing with it the chill of winter. But that rainbow was still there in the sky and Kanda thought that maybe one day he could be as colourful as Lavi someday, and maybe Lavi's colours would be a little more toned down, like Kanda's were. Because, surely, they must have stuck together all these years for a reason.

_Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains  
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins  
Cause your heart has a lack of colour and we should've known  
That we'd grow up sooner or later cause we wasted all our free time alone_


	28. U Smile by Justin Bieber

_**U Smile**_

Lavi loved those lazy mornings when neither of them had a mission to rush away to, a report to scramble to write, and Kanda was too exhausted or, unbelievably enough, too lazy to go train. He'd sleep right through the morning, ignorant to the sun that tried to coax him into wakefulness, while Lavi sat with his back against the wall and silently read his book.

His eyes left the page to briefly glance down at Kanda, and he smiled gently. Lifting a hand, he ran it through the Japanese teen's silky locks, gently working out any tangles he came across, and then turned his attention back to his book, forcing himself to ignore the enticing invitation coming from Kanda's slightly parted lips.

But the temptation to look again was not one he could ignore, so he looked down at Kanda again. _Your lips, my biggest weakness_, Lavi thought, finally bending down to touch his lips to Kanda's. Too soft to be a kiss, just a passing brush to let the sleeping teen know that Lavi was still there, like he always would be.

And when Kanda finally woke up, stretching and humming under his breath, Lavi would be too focused on his book by now and Kanda would use his long slender fingers to tug at Lavi's hair and tickle Lavi's chest and pull childishly at the book until he had Lavi's attention. Because once he did, he knew he'd only tease Lavi by completely ignoring him after securing the teen's attention.

So he'd stand, get dressed under the watchful gaze from Lavi's green eye, and he'd leave to go wander about, knowing that he'd see Lavi at breakfast in a half hour or so. Smirking to himself as he finally rose from bed and turned his back to Lavi, he let the familiar routine fall into place and minutes later, the door to his bedroom swung shut behind him and he dug his hands into his pockets and left to go get himself lost amongst the tower's hallways.

* * *

When Lavi did something stupid that resulted in a painful contact with a very inanimate object (for example, the table corner that he rammed his pelvis into at breakfast this morning), the pain was the last thing on his mind. Instead he used coy words and cheap innuendos, trying and trying to get Kanda to remove the hand that was covering those lips Lavi loved so much.

And when the Japanese finally couldn't take it anymore and finally laughed, revealing pearly teeth and delighted eyes to everyone, Lavi couldn't help but gasp in astonishment each time. It only lasted for seconds, if that, before Kanda bowed his head so his bangs hid his eyes and he clamped his jaw shut. His shoulders would shake with the last of his chuckles but he couldn't suppress the upwards tilt to the corner of his lips.

Then Lavi would find it impossible to hide the upwards tilt to the corner of his lips as well. His hand would drop away from the newly injured portion of his body and his shoulders would relax as he thought, _when you smile, I smile_.

* * *

Though Lavi loved it most when he was the reason for Kanda's smiles, it didn't matter so much who made the teen smile, just so long as Lavi got to see it. So when he watched Daisya and Kanda training, his back pressed somewhat comfortably against the cold stone pillar, he couldn't help but happily think once more, _when you smile, I smile_.

Because both boys, so much like brothers, looked ridiculously carefree and at ease with the terrible world as they roughhoused on the floor, completely forgetting what was previously a serious sparring session. Kanda pulled himself free and swaggered to his feet, narrowly missing the low kick Daisya aimed at his ankles. He clapped his hands together and doubled over with the force of his laughter, and Daisya was still on the floor, equally breathless due to their play fight and his laughter.

"You damned bastard, Princess," Daisya laughed and Kanda shot him a dirty look, but the smile couldn't be wiped away.

Noticing Marie approaching the two younger teens, Lavi smiled contently, buried his hands in his pockets, and left the three 'foster brothers' to their business. He'd have more opportunities to make Kanda smile again – after all, there were 24 hours in a day, and Lavi liked to spend all 864000 seconds with Kanda Yuu. The sun poured in from one of the hallway windows and Lavi squinted his eye, and he lifted his head enough and tilted it just so, so that he was able to look outside. He smiled under the light of the sun and continued on his way.

_When you smile, I smile, oh whoa,_

_You smile, I smile, hey._

_Your lips my biggest weakness,_

_Shouldn't have let you know,_

_I'm always gonna do what they say, hey._


	29. Battle Scars by Guy Sebastian

**Omgosh yes I am alive! I apologise soooo much for the ridiculous wait. I don't even know why... I even have a handful of oneshots I've written for this collection, I just never actually got around to posting them! I am so so sorry haha**

**But, but, butbutbutbut here we go! Another angsty oneshot! I quite love this song. Admittedly, this oneshot turned out nothing like I planned, and I'm almost tempted to use this song again in an attempt to actually write what I was aiming for haha. But nonetheless, I hope you enjoy!**

**-Kavbj**

* * *

**Battle Scars **_by Guy Sebastian_

When Lavi had first seen Kanda's battle scars, he'd freaked in a ridiculously unprofessional, un-Bookman-Successor fashion. The matron had assured him that this was normal for Kanda, that he'd suffered from these scars since he was a child, and it was then Lavi realised that half of Kanda's scars weren't his own.

Now, he divides his attention between Yuu, the rising moon and his work. Yuu is sleeping shirtless and on top of the sheets, trying to combat the stifling summer heat. They've had a heat wave the past couple of days, and it's been unbearable in their heavy uniforms.

The Japanese Exorcist's pale skin is flawless. The bruises, three broken ribs, collapsed lung and sprained wrist from that morning have long since healed. No scars, no blotching, no mottled skin. Simply no evidence of the tortures they face day in day out.

Until now. Until the sun sets and Kanda is too weary to put all of his walls up.

Lavi had likened it to PTSD. If he were a doctor, that's what he'd classify it as. And perhaps dual personality disorder, or something, because as he's thought time and time again, half of the scars aren't Yuu's.

Some nights Kanda clutches his head so tightly that the fine bones in his hand stick out in a grotesque fashion and his eyes have the appearance of bulging. Other nights, he's limp and hazy eyed. Most nights he's quiet, but there are a few where he screams.

Tonight, there are no screams, but there's no panting either. There's perfect silence as Kanda grips his head tightly and stares ahead with wide, unseeing eyes. Lavi tilts his head, the rising moon and his work completely forgotten. His heart squeezes painfully and he thinks it is an odd sensation because, until Yuu, he never thought he had a heart. It's even more odd that it's because of Yuu - cold, broken, fierce Yuu - that he experiences this.

Kanda breaks out of it slowly, and Lavi rises, drags his chair after him, and sits beside the bed. He's so close that his knees dig into the mattress, but somehow Yuu swings himself into a sitting position without hitting Lavi. He's got the shakes, as always, but they're particularly bad tonight, so Lavi does what he always does on the particularly bad nightz - and fuck, they're hard to classify. He takes Yuu's shaking hands in his own and brings them to his lips. Occasionally he kisses each finger tip softly, sometimes he blows warm air onto them. Most of the time, he just holds them until the shakes subside.

After that, Yuu just sits there with a blank expression and - Lavi wants to describe his eyes as empty, but they're aren't, really. It's just that Yuu doesn't know what's happened or what's going on, and that's why they look empty.

"They _don't look like their fading_," Lavi says quietly, with a weak upwards quirk of his lips. He's referring to the battle scars, but Yuu is none the wiser.

Yuu lifts his hands - Lavi notes that they're still shaking the tiniest bit - and runs them through his messy, unbound hair. He nods slowly, though he doesn't understand what Lavi's talking about.

And Lavi waits until Yuu is a little more aware of his surroundings before rising quietly and gently guiding Yuu to lie back.

"You'll sleep well tonight," he assures him. He pauses. Kanda watches him with those same unaware eyes. "_These battle scars_…" he trails off. Usually he doesn't mind chatting away to Yuu when he's like this, but not tonight. Tonight he doesn't have the energy to converse with someone who is completely oblivious. He doesn't mean for it to sound so insulting towards Yuu, but it's the truth of the matter.

And the truth of the matter is that Yuu is more scarred than the rest of them, but he's still a perfect doll, a perfect soldier, a perfect puppet. He doesn't break, he doesn't mark, he doesn't tarnish, or rust, or fade.

No wonder the Order loves him so much.

_These battle scars, don't look like they're fading_

_Don't look like they're ever going away_

_They ain't never gonna change_

_These battle…_


	30. Strawberry Kisses by Nikki Webster

**Blah, Blah, Blah**

_Strawberry Kisses by Nikki Webster_

Yuu's room was always so brightly lit by the sun that Lavi honestly found it enthralling. The white walls reflected the light and made the small apartment seem larger than what it was. Surprisingly, Yuu was pretty good at his interior decorating and had the appropriate amount of splashes of colour for the flat to not look monotonous.

But the thing that surprised and enthralled Lavi the most was Yuu's love of most things strawberry. Which was strange, because Yuu didn't really do sweets. Like at all. But it seemed that if it was strawberry flavoured he could withstand it.

And the most wonderful part of it all? The _strawberry kisses_. Well, Lavi predicted they'd taste like strawberry. Especially seeing as Yuu had taken an abnormal love towards strawberry chuppa-chupps. And really, who couldn't love them? But it was _Yuu_.

Lavi leant back against the bench separating the kitchen from the main living and watched Yuu soak up the sunlight. His hair was down and all Lavi could muse was _see the sunlight in your hair_. What song was that even from again?

The white dress shirt he was wearing was only half done up. His long delicate fingers were curled around one of the lollipop sticks again, his red lips holding the sweet in place. Occasionally he would draw the sweet out, flick his pink tongue over its equally pink surface, before taking it in again. And Lavi had never seen anything quite enticing.

"Yuu," he called suddenly. He hadn't realised he'd approached the mellow Japanese teen until that beautiful face was turning to look at him. The lollipop was centimetres away from his lips but Lavi didn't give Yuu the chance to taste it again as he placed one firm hand on the back of Yuu's neck and the other on the smaller boy's waist, drawing him in for a passionate kiss.

Lavi kept his eyes open, wanting to see Yuu's reaction. Intense blue eyes stared back calmly, as if waiting until Lavi was done. Yuu tasted sweet like strawberry, just as Lavi had thought he would, and he couldn't help but moan and close his eyes, pulling Yuu closer.

He licked over Yuu's sweet lips, taking in more of that taste, before sealing their lips once more. Finally, Lavi pulled away, cheeks flushed and eyes half-open. He released Yuu and the Japanese boy, still so calm, simply stuck the lollipop back in his mouth and turned back to the window.

Sighing, Lavi smiled and licked his lips, finding that Yuu's taste was still lingering. _Can't you tell how much I care_, Lavi thought, smiling wider as that pink tongue flicked out to meet an equally pink lollipop.

_Boy can't you tell how much I care?_

_Still see the sunlight in your hair, oh, oh._

_I've been missing_

_Your strawberry kisses, _

_'Cause nothing's as sweet,_

_The taste still drives me crazy._


	31. I Found You by The Wanted

*****SPOILER*** Omgoodness so I've had constant urges to write this again and then they would just DIE and I haven't written anything in ages, really, because life is getting in the way andandand NEJI DIED! And it's completely turned me off Naruto - seriously, unless they bring him back from the dead, I refuse to continue reading. I did the same with -Man when Kanda was GONE but he's back (only a few chapters later… I should have kept reading… but I've caught up!) and far out, I've never had such a big crush on a manga/anime character before… he's so hot. It's actually ridiculous. Also, it's a very good thing Link didn't die otherwise I would have been very, very torn between reading 'cause hellloooo Kanda, or not reading because I've come to quite adore Link. But he's alive!**

**And my love has been rekindled and I reread the Alma arc, and I think I read it too quickly last time because this time I fully understood everything. Like, I understood last time but this time ****_I get it_****. And it's so heartbreaking, really.**

**Well, rant over. After a very long wait, here's the next instalment of ****_Blah Blah Blah._**

**Oh, and is anyone else hanging out for General Kanda to save Lavi? Yes, I know, Kanda is finally a General and he's become a main main character, not just a minor major (or is it major minor?) and I'm so happpyyyy! ***END SPOILER*****

* * *

**I Found You**

_By The Wanted_

The cobblestones are hard beneath his knees and the rain is dripping down beneath the collar of his exorcist uniform. The street lamps and the few buildings that make up the town square of the stunning, little village are casting a golden glow across the ground. The light is reflected in the numerous puddles, giving the illusion that the square is much warmer than it is.

A chill chases a drop down his spine and with a sigh, he tilts his head towards the sky. He can see hints of the moon trying to fight beyond the darkness of the rain clouds but it's all right. He can see enough by the golden glow. Closing his eye, he hangs his head and stops holding his breath, allowing each sweet inhalation of oxygen to pass his lips in quick, successive pants.

The weight of his Innocence pulls on his shoulder and, frowning lightly, he rolls his arm, trying to chase away the ache. It doesn't matter. The rain is seeping into his bones and the cold is numbing his pain. Still, his uniform creates a stifling heat like no other and he tugs at his collar agitatedly.

The silence is refreshing. It's more of a dull hum from the pouring rain, and he can hear drops hitting the puddle he's kneeling in, but it's silent enough. His ears have stopped ringing too, from the explosions, the gunfire, the carnage.

The screams.

His eye snaps open and he lurches forward, his throat and stomach working hard to purge his senses of what has become a permanent stench of burning skin and rotting flesh and _death_. When he is done, he sits back on his knees again, closes his eye once more, and breathes deeply.

When he hears familiar footfalls splashing through the numerous puddles, he frowns and opens his eye slowly, unsure as to why they sound so frantic. The footfalls stop and familiar shoulders heave up and down as his comrade fights to steady his breathing.

He watches him watch him with those cold, guarded eyes. Even the surrounding glow struggles to warm them, but it's ok. He knows. And then he watches his shoulders sag and his head tilt slightly.

He smirks back at him, tenderly.

"Yuu."

Kanda crosses the town square calmly and comes to a stop in front of him. He glances down briefly at where Lavi has thrown up the little he's had to eat over the past couple of days, then holds out a gloved hand.

Lavi studies it. The glove is torn, the skin beneath is bloody and raw. The hand itself is trembling and Lavi quickly seizes it, taking advantage of what little strength Kanda has left when he himself already has none.

Once he's standing, he fingers the ripped edges of Kanda's uniform, studies the bared, injured shoulder. The blood has dried and the muscles are tensed. When he touches the wound lightly, he's not surprised to find it is well on its way to being fully healed. When he touches the surrounding skin, he glances at Kanda with a strange tranquil seriousness.

He's fucking burning.

His fingers make their way to his unbound hair and he toys with the strands before brushing away the straight cut bangs and tenderly brushing his thumb over a small scrape.

Kanda shudders beneath his touch.

Lavi takes his face in his hands and kisses him deeply.

Kanda lifts a hand to clutch at Lavi's wrist, but Lavi ignores him and slides one hand around to fondly cup the back of Kanda's head, deepening the kiss even further. He can taste blood and ash and pain and _death_ and thank _fuck _Kanda heals the way he does, because the wound on his shoulder is too close to a major artery for Kanda to have likely survived otherwise.

Nudging Kanda's ankles, Lavi guides him back and back and back, mouth busy but eye watching their path intently as Kanda gives into him. Eventually, he pins Kanda against a wall and Kanda hisses and arches into him, baring his teeth against Lavi's lips.

He remembers the glow, the heat, the ash, the screams, the explosions, the gunshots, the death and pulls away sharply. Part of him wants to draw Kanda to him, away from wall, while the other part wants to push Kanda further against it and watch the other teen writhe as the heat from the charred wood burns into his back and bared shoulder.

Both would prove that they are both quite alive.

Instead, Lavi looks over his shoulder, hands still on Kanda's shoulders, and watches the glow of the fire light up the town square. The surrounding buildings, the street lamps, everything.

He feels Kanda's head drop forward, resting against his collarbone, before he feels him beginning to slip from his grip. He follows him down, his strength fleeing the scene the moment Kanda's did, and with the little energy he has left, he pulls Kanda away from the wall and against his chest, then lays them both down against the blissfully cool cobblestones.

This time when he kisses Kanda, there's something raw and untamed behind it, and it's messy and slow and fierce and meaningful and pointless.

"I still hear them screaming," Kanda hisses against his lips. "Make it fucking stop."

Lavi groans and rolls so that he can pull Kanda on top of him. He pushes his hips into Kanda's and bites the other teen's lip and reopens his shoulder wound and pulls at his unbound hair. The pain does something incredulous to Kanda, as always, and Lavi's lips move around his name soundlessly. _Yuu. Yuu. Yuu._ Finally, he voices it. "Yuu -"

"I'm alive," Kanda breathes into the crook of his neck. Lavi curls his arms tighter around his shivering form. "You're alive. We're safe. But they won't - "

"Stop screaming. I know." And he repeats Kanda's name breathlessly, because he likes how it sounds, likes how it tastes, how it feels.

"We're in front of the fucking church."

"We are the fucking church."

"It's burning down."

Lavi chuckles and then sighs blissfully. He's overcome by the strangest urge to hurt Kanda, to hear him gasp, and gives into it. As Kanda squirms against him, incidentally grinding their groins together, Lavi finds it isn't quite strange.

In fact, it's become habit. It proves they're both real, they're both alive.

Their hands move fast and with skill and desperation and something raw.

"In front of the fucking church," Kanda mutters and he struggles with Lavi's belts.

"Yuu."

"Stop it," Kanda hisses, suddenly enraged as he slams the palm of his hand against Lavi's mouth. Anything to make him shut up. "Just… Just stop it, Lavi." Everything leaves him again and he sags completely against the other teen. "Stop it, stop it, stop it," he chants quietly. "I just want them to stop."

Lavi rolls his hips against Kanda's slowly and kisses him deeply. "Yuu."

"Stop it!" Kanda screams, pushing up and away from Lavi.

But Lavi is faster and he follows Kanda up, pushing against his shoulders so that he forces him to the ground, and Lavi towers over him on all fours. He pushes open Kanda's exorcist uniform and traces the dark lines of his seal with a hot tongue, green eye watching Kanda's face closely.

Slowly, he traces his way to Kanda's lips and he kisses him slowly. "I'm safe," he begins in between kisses. "You're safe. We're both alive. Yuu…" he breathes, closing his eye and pressing his forehead against Kanda's. "Fuck, I can hear them too," he chuckles weakly, before his expression twists into something painful.

He feels Kanda's arm, which has found its way around his neck, slowly fall away. When he cracks his eye open, he smiles weakly at Kanda's slitted, hazy eyes, then lets his arms give way as he follows his comrade into unconsciousness.

_I found you, in the darkest hour  
I found you, in the pouring rain  
I found you, when I was on my knees  
And your love pulled me back again  
Found you in a river of pure emotions  
I found you, my only truth  
I found you, with the music playing  
I was lost til I found you_

* * *

**Soooo… the first half is pretty much how it should be. The second half… totally got away from me haha. But I'm sorta glad it did, because I'm thinking of extracting this chapter and turning it into a little mini series… thoughts?**

**And I've missed you all so much, by the way! But I'm baaaaccckk~**

**Kavbj**


	32. Feel This Moment

**Again I apologise for it having been a while! I've so many ideas and so little time to write - uni and work and life insist on getting in my way haha but here is the next instalment at last! I am quite in love with this song, it's a great combination of artists :)**

**WARNING: there's some language, as always, and this chapter hints at some smexy-time. It's nothing super explicit, so I'll be keeping the rating to T - for now hehe... maybe. I dunno. Guess we'll see what happens :)**

**Anyway, enjoy! Thanks again for all your lovely reviews~ :)**

**Kavbj**

* * *

**_Blah, Blah, Blah_**

_Feel This Moment_**_ (_**_Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera)_

Kanda wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed it earlier. Admittedly, Lavi had always been a lot more subtle at it, and had only started making it blatantly clear in the past few months. If Kanda was to admit more, it would be to say that it was when he and Lavi had silently crossed lines and boundaries that neither one of them knew had been in place.

But the first time it had been obvious enough to call his attention to it had been when they were roaming the streets of a small village just on the outskirts of India's great capital. The heat was insufferable and so was the vibrancy of the people around them - or, at least, it should have been. But Kanda was strangely exhausted and the excitement of the surrounding people - people who had seen nothing but death and mourning and grief for the past month - was injecting a strange sort of relaxant into his veins, making his heavy limbs feel curiously light.

And beside him, Lavi was quiet and thoughtful, no doubt feeling the same onslaught of exhaustion as Kanda was. But then he stopped, gaze trained downwards for a short time before it lifted, first to scan over the crowds and markets, then to the sky.

Kanda stopped a few paces ahead, planted a hand on his hip with an irritated sigh, and closed his eyes. "Oi, Usagi. Let's go." When he received no taunt in return, no teasing call of 'Yuu~chan~', he opened his eyes, brow furrowed lightly with confusion. "_Oi_. Lavi. Come on." He exhaled noisily and cocked his head. "What's wrong?" he mocked, rather scathingly. "Making sure you don't miss any details for your damn records, Bookman Junior?"

Lavi finally dropped his head and smiled serenely at Kanda. "No, Yuu," he said quietly, slipping his hands into his pockets as he leisurely made his way to where Kanda was. "_I just wanna feel this moment_."

"Feel?" Kanda echoed hollowly, turning to continue along the path with Lavi. If he was to be truthful once more, he'd say that no one made him feel quite as at ease the way Lavi did. The familiar sight of a green eye, orange scarf and red hair was strangely comforting and relaxing, and Kanda found himself enjoying the comfortable ease with which their friendship worked. "Didn't think you were allowed to," he murmured, his lips quirking into the smallest of smirks.

Lavi chuckled breathily and shot him a weak, playful glare. "So mean, Yuu-chan," he cooed softly, his own lips curling into a content smile.

Kanda noticed it frequently after that day.

* * *

"Ne, Yuu-chan…"

Kanda groaned irritably and curled his arms over the back of his head. With his face pressed down into the mattress, it felt somewhat like he was suffocating. But it jarred his senses with such panic and adrenaline that it set him alight with something indescribable.

It was a habit he'd picked up as a child, after Alma was gone, slain by his hand, and before Tiedoll had taken him under his wing along with Marie and Daisya, and long before Lavi's arrival. Back when he'd been small, and alone, and insignificant, and, dare he say it, _scared_.

"Die, die. Please, I just want to die… let me die…" Kanda muttered his child-self's mantra to himself quietly, unaware that he'd let his hands fall back by his side and that he'd turned his face out to the room.

"Yuu?" Lavi called softly. "Hey…" He reached out to gently stroke through Kanda's unbound hair.

Kanda started at the touch, but settled quickly.

"What are you murmuring about? Wanting to die… since when do you talk like that?"

Slowly, Kanda curled his fingers into fists, unwilling to share that part of his past with Lavi. But then, what parts of his past had he shared with anyone?

Still, he mouthed the words silently, finding it was an easy habit to fall back into despite that he no longer meant them.

Clicking his tongue, Lavi pushed the covers back and slid into the bed beside Kanda. "Jesus, Yuu, you're like ice," he muttered, drawing his legs back from Kanda's icy bare feet.

Blinking slowly, Kanda watched Lavi lazily as the redhead pushed his bangs back and pressed their foreheads together.

"Still burning up," Lavi muttered with another snap of his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He sighed and ran his hand up and down Kanda's cold skin, trying to inject heat into the icy limbs. Realising it was't enough, he stripped himself of his shirt, lying in his slacks along side the Japanese teen.

Kanda hummed and let his eyes slip shut. He mouthed the words again, then frowned and pushed against Lavi's chest, trying to get him out, to move, to - _let me breathe._ When Lavi chuckled, he snapped his eyes open. At some point, he'd wrapped his hand around Lavi's wrist unforgivingly. But then, Lavi's hand was around his throat.

"What are you - "

"Shh," Lavi hushed, running his thumb back and forth over Kanda's pulse point. "_I just wanna feel this moment_." He lifted his gaze to meet Kanda's fevered one, and smiled gently. "Sleep, Yuu…"

"Then re-"

"_Sleep_…"

Kanda grumbled under his breath but Lavi was warm, almost too hot for his sick body to handle, and sleep was calling to him. He dipped his head, letting his forehead press against Lavi's shoulder. "Die, die," he mouthed feverishly against the warm skin beneath his lips. "Please, I just want to die… let me die…"

* * *

They'd climbed to the only stable point left in the destroyed town. It's highest point they could find, the best vantage point around. The flames had stopped burning, and ash blew through the air. Kanda didn't have the energy to bother starting a morbid reflection on where or what or _who_ the ashes were from, and with a sigh, tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

His hair, unbound due to another pathetic hair tie snapping, tickled the backs of his hands as he rested his weight on them and tilted his head further back.

"Here," Lavi said quietly, shifting on his knees to sit behind Kanda so that he could carve his fingers back through the tangled strands of ink and rake them into a ponytail. What he secured it with, Kanda didn't know - probably didn't _want_ to know - but the gesture was appreciated.

Heaving a deep, tired breath, Lavi sat back beside him and mimicked his relaxed pose.

"We should go," Kanda mumbled, tilting his head to press his cheek to his shoulder. "No train is going to come by here, so we'll have to walk into the next town."

"Not just yet," Lavi replied, fingers tracking across the loose roof tiles until they could lace with Kanda's. "_I just wanna feel this moment_."

Kanda hummed noncommittally, feeling something warm and familiar run through him when Lavi squeezed his fingers briefly. "Sunrise should be in a few minutes."

"I know." Lavi tugged on his hand and the pair laid down.

Kanda smirked and shook his head. "Sentimental fool." The wind blew a loose strand of hair that Lavi had missed across his face and he brushed it away with his free hand clumsily. "Fool…" he breathed again, feeling the adrenaline finally wear off as his body was overcome by an uncontrollable shaking. "Shit…" he cursed, teeth chattering.

Beside him, Lavi laughed. "You too, huh?"

The shaking worked its way up to violent tremors. "_Fuck_, Lavi - "

"I know. It'll pass."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Kanda ground out from behind clenched teeth. If he was aware that he was as close as he was to crushing Lavi's fingers, he would have lessened his grip. As it was, he squeezed harder and tried not to bite his own tongue off as his jaw snapped shut.

With a groan of his own, Lavi rolled onto his side, curling himself over Kanda as much as possible, as though trying to force the both of them to be still. His eye widened when he felt how hard Kanda's bones were juddering beneath the surface of the skin. "Yuu?"

He bolted upright and looked down at Kanda with concern. Kanda caught sight of the redhead's expression through his fluttering lashes, and rolled his eyes with a groan.

"I'm… fine…" he panted, dragging a heel up along the roof tiles and jarring one loose. He arched his back and pressed his head against the roof _hard_, feeling the tiles' sharp corners digging into his scalp. "It'll pass, remember?"

Lavi shook his head and lifted their hands, still joined, to his lips. He pressed his lips to the back of Kanda's hand and mouthed soothing words against the shaking limb. Finally, he spoke out loud, "your body is still getting over the fever."

"Th-that was - ngh!" Kanda broke off and clenched his eyes shut. He opened them again and laid there panting before he could continue. "Weeks ago… that was weeks ago… _fuck_."

Lavi couldn't help but chuckle. "The symptoms are gone, but it can take the body a bit to bounce back and get its strength back. Especially if you leave for a mission three hours after your fever breaks," he added, giving Kanda a weak glare.

Kanda managed a smirk. "I nee-needed to get… o-out…" He dragged in a breath and arched his back again.

"Yeah, I know," Lavi admitted softly.

Scanning over Lavi from under lowered lashes, Kanda realised he was glowing. "Sunrise…"

"Hmm?"

He lifted his free hand and ignored how it trembled as he pointed behind Lavi. "The s-sunrise-" He dragged in air through his teeth. "The s-sun is ri-rising," he forced out.

Lavi looked back over his shoulder and smiled. "So it is, Yuu."

* * *

Stumbling, they managed to get through the door. Lavi kicked it shut behind him as Kanda tracked them across the room, seeking the bed from memory as he kept his focus on Lavi's lips pressing against his, tongues tangled and skin burning where it touched.

He still tasted of tequila.

Clothes were shed and Kanda was pushed to lay on his back, unbound hair spread around him as Lavi paid homage to his body with his lips and hands, leaving a burning trail behind that left Kanda breathless and hazy-eyed. With a groan, he pulled Lavi up to him and kissed him again.

He hissed at Lavi when he tried to waste time by preparing him, and the animalistic gesture shocked the redhead briefly. With a shake of his head, he entered Kanda, and then stilled.

Fingernails leaving red crescents in Lavi's skin, Kanda bared his teeth. "_Move_, Lavi."

Lavi lowered his face towards him, pressing their foreheads together and lining their gazes up. He panted harshly against Kanda's lips. "J-Just - "

"I swear to fucking God, if you - "

"_I just wanna feel this moment._"

Kanda glared. "Feel _this_, Baka Usagi."

"Fuck," Lavi hissed, clenching his eye shut as Kanda tightened around him. He blinked his eye open and grinned down at Kanda. He shook his head, their sweat-slicked foreheads sliding against one another, and laughed.

Kanda gripped him by the nape and dragged the redhead's lips to his, more than happy to swallow down the carefree sound.

* * *

Kanda collapsed to the ground beside Lavi with a groan. He rolled onto his back, feeling mud pressing into every crevice of his body, feeling blood run, hot and slick, down his skin. He could taste both in his mouth. Had he the energy, he'd banish the taste with Lavi's raw flavour.

"You ok?" he panted, each breath bursting out of him in a hot, fiery fit of _pain_. Two of his ribs were broken. One had pierced the skin. He was pretty sure the other had punctured a lung.

"Y-yeah," Lavi managed, face pale and drawn, eye clenched shut, fingers trembling. "You?"

"I'm good."

"Yuu."

"I'd be shit if it were you. For me, it's nothing, ok?"

"Yuu…"

Kanda sighed and linked their fingers together. "My chest and lungs, all right?"

"Ribs?"

"Yeah."

Lavi nodded. His voice was quiet when he next spoke. "I'm bleeding, not enough to bleed out, but I need it stitched up."

Kanda groaned and closed his eyes. He could already smell his skin burning as the curse kicked in. "Give me another five, yeah?"

"That's ok," Lavi said softly, dreamily. "_I just wanna feel this moment_."

Unable to stop himself, Kanda laughed bitterly. He rolled onto his side, momentarily fascinated as his world dipped and turned and then blanked out all together. When the colour came back, he'd somehow managed to get his tired body to hover over Lavi on all fours, palms pressed into the ground either side of the redhead's head, knees pressing up against his hips and thighs.

"Your hair is tickling my nose," Lavi said, turning his head to the side a bit to avoid the loose strands.

"At least it stayed up," Kanda replied. His hearing was buzzing and his head was swimming and his world was dipping and turning again. Lunging to the right, he emptied his stomach, then crawled back to hover over Lavi.

"That can't have helped your ribs," Lavi pointed out, able to feel Kanda's shaking where he was pressed up against him.

"Shut up."

"You're bleeding almost as bad as I am, Yuu."

"All right, I get it, I'll get us moving, just _give me a bit_," he snapped.

"Like I said," Lavi said with a weak shrug. "That's fine. _I just wanna -_"

He leaned down to kiss Lavi, banished the taste of blood and mud from his mouth as he pried open Lavi's mouth and traced every inch inside with his tongue.

Except Lavi tasted of blood and mud too.

"Sadistic bastard," Kanda said lowly, speaking the words into Lavi's mouth as he observed Lavi under the lazy sweep of his lashes.

"Wonder who I got that from?"

Lips curling into a half-smirk, half-smile combination, Kanda dug his fingers into the wet earth as the heavens opened up. "So mean, Baka Usagi~."

_One day when the light is glowing,_

_I'll be in my castle, golden,_

_But until the gates are open,_

_I just wanna feel this moment._


End file.
